ow felt like a prison cell. Every object seemed to mock me. The family photos on the mantle-me, Mark, and Le

ed over me, insisting I

while, sweetie," my mother said, tucking

ceiling, my mind racing. I h

wly, cautiously, as if he wasn't sure what to expect from m

tter, Mommy?" he as

This small, living, breathing person was supposed to be a part of me, bu

he said. "He said you forget that you lo

our-year-old. It was a line he had been taught to say. The realization sent a chill down my

for a hug. I stiffened. He was just a little boy, but his t

etail, but it struck me as important. I' ve held my friends' children. I know what a four-year-old feels like. This felt wrong. My body, my muscles, had no memory o

ning. He was holding a small ora

Chloe," he said, his tone l

. "What

haking two white pills into his palm. "It wil

said, shrinking bac

s again. You need to take it. We are not going thr

closer, his expression grim. I knew I couldn't win this fight, not now. I opened my mouth and let him place the pills on my tongue. He

rol was

wash over me. But then a new thought came. He had brought the pil

m again. This time he was carrying a boo

he said, placing it in my hands. "It's your diary. I thoug

n my life. I opened it. The first page began, "Mark

a little rounder, a little more feminine than my usual architectural script. It detailed a life I d

irst time. There were photos tucked between the pages-ultrasound pictures, a pho

chronicled the entire journey from courtship to the birth of L

to be a mother. Mark and I are so thrilled. I was so worried about how it would affec

s my own "voice," my own "handwriting," telling me I was wrong. The cognitive dissonance was overwhelming. My m

reak me. To make me

oment, it a

re giving me were making me feel fuzzy and slow. The constant pressur

r was the delusion, and this tired, confused, sick woman was the real m

cry, silent tears of utter despair. I was so tired

give up. Maybe it was e

ead the diary. I would try to be

let th

of the woman who designed skyscrapers and won awards. A part of me that knew, with absolute cert