n: Craving Desires: M

. As they navigate the emotional whirlwind of abandonment and impending motherhood, unexpected desires and c

Readin

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my home in upstate New York ... five hundred and fifty one miles to be exact. Fortunately, I only had to endure the trip several times during the school year. Of course, driving would have been more convenient, but State University

t in most cases-thanks to Sigmund Freud's contention that fantasies often replace the need to act on some of our darkest desires. I am not sure it would have made much difference had the research shown that I was a sick kid. It wasn't something I could help. Mom is thirty-six and, as I said earlier, gorgeous. She is still trim and keeps herself in great shape. My buddies from high school loved to hang out at my house and I know why; they love to see Mom rushing around the house fixing snacks and bringin

to work for his dad in the family auto business instead. Although the pregnancy was a mutual mistake, I think dad blamed her for getting pregnant. I sensed that he felt that she somehow tricked him. I am not sure he wanted to have children, ever. After I was born, Mom went on the pill and could neve

ething to do with my fascination with my mom. She wasn't exactly a doting mother, but I was born prematurely and th

shy ... something to do with being a "preemie" I think. Unfortunately, I was never comfortable around girls with the exception of Mom. She encouraged me to date and in fact tried to set me up with s

he was gay and had been having an affair with another man. As hard as that was for my mother to deal with, it was just hard for me, I think. I was never close to my dad, but he was my father and I respected him ... at least I

y returned to school. I just couldn't get my head around what had happened. How could my father have hidden it from us all these years? How could he do this to my mother? How could he do this to me? It was almost more than I could take. At one point I

my way home to my mom and summer vacation. Unfortunatel

*

r arm from across the terminal. I smiled and waved back. She hurried over and we hugged. Then we kissed lightly on the li

"Let me get my luggage

bring the

, a western style top, and boots. As I stared, she turned and looked at me. It was obvious that she didn't reall

om, I realized how much I missed her. I stared at her profile as she navigated the traffic. Her black hair was a little shorter then when I had left, but it framed her

hair. I like

is sweet of you to noti

comfortable,

o recover," she said and showed me

long time, neither kn

what to say. Everything happened so quickly. Even now

feel the anger building in me again. I swallowed down

normal after so many years of marriage. Then I began to think it was because we had been married so y

," I whispered

abbed my hand. "I know it's h

r on you. I

ate him,