u

e right emotion. But... I don't know. Like I could take a breath again. Because there's been a tightness in my chest since I got the news. Like I can't inhale all the way and

uck in enough air. I can't seem to stop clenchi

him as it is for me, and I can tell that last remark,

't know what life loo

up and I'll get my cup of coffee open the bay doors, and wait for him to walk

ole time. At least then I could miss him the way you do. But I'm going to

says, reaching across

t's the first time he's held my hand in years. Maybe sinc

because even though Eric was just my best friend

t and thumps against his c

in there," I say. "

s. "Hollow. That's

rom here. About three miles, maybe. Not a great idea when I'm wearing heels, but I don't care. I'll take them off and walk barefoot like we used to do when we were kids. I just couldn't get in

u do in the city? I feel like w

irthday, probably. That just kills any chance of feeling better. Becau

course," he says.

he head chef now at

," he

g. "I

on't l

rea

else," he says like

ught it'd be. I mean, I always wanted to be a baker, for one thing. But there's no money

g out in Utah. The Jeep flipped over backward and crushed him. We had to have one of those h

to business school

t squeeze

you can even loo

ho

say, turning my head

her and frowns. "He was d

nd now h

"He made a mistake. People do that

g to sell the

I should sel

u care wha

bly left you his

"I hadn't tho

et's talk about

ne is gone and I know that the backhoe operator is probably well-schooled in g

town. And there's a nice view of the mountains from where we're sit

ouse isn't that far away. People are

some... some stupid... whatever it is. It feels like a party. Why do p

him. And have a chanc

a little and h

ys, letting go of my han

listen politely as people try to console me. Or worse, expect me to console them. I don't care if

ing the reception never entered his mind. "Well, I'll

ke the tropical ocean they usually resemble has been muddied with silt. His hair is dark and cropped short every

hen they were working on their first Jeep together. I went to the hospital with them, holding a cloth over Trent's face as Er

wide and he always shows teeth. Even when he's angry, he'l

's got days' worth of stubble on that chin. And

akes m

sks, looking

ax my bikini area the day before we went out to the lake for a long weekend and I couldn't

en he passed out drunk on New Year's Eve and how Eric got back at him

s and setting them up around us and every chair but the two we're sitti

hours, laughing, smiling, and having a pretty good time. For

s. "You ready to

Walking away from Eric's grave means they're go

y hand. He pulls me to my feet and I slip my sh

while holding me in the other, and leads me ac