’s [

ecade ago. My mother had lived there for years

e had kids my age who I'd play with, and we'd always stay there for weeks at a time before going back home. Every night, my parents and I would take a w

they'd never really felt like home; and since she was gone anyway, it was never really the same. I just remembered

at house we used to stay in; it had been demo

ve done in the old house if it had still been standing. It had been a long time, l

t a time like this. It sort of sounded like the kind of place where I'd slowly lose my mind. Somewher

least if I OD'd there, I'd be foun

hat but with palm trees, right? All I wanted was three months where I didn't have to be Nate Stone. Remus,

ass long enough while I was on the island to actually sort it out. If nothing else, I could just pretend that everything wasn't compl

of like moving off the grid, but not really because Hawai'i was not the middle of nowhere. I'd change my name, get a boring job like selling

flight but they were serving booze, thank God, so it could have been worse. They only had w

autographs or taking my picture, either. Honestly, one of the better flights I'd taken commercially

oo humid. I'd take the hoodie off, but I wasn't in the clear yet. It was better safe than sorry. I wasn’t on the Big Islan

to that question was, but I decided I hadn't because it was Casey's job to do things like that for me and that was what I paid her for. Yeah. That reaso

passengers and hotel shuttles were filling up to take people where they needed to go. Casey had told me that the Four Seasons had sent me a c

ng in LA, with the band, with Kirsten, I didn't want to hear it. I d

s this older Hawai'ian guy, about my dad's age. He was wearing a uniform with the Four Se

one?" h

for my suitcase. I stopped him because I could do it myself. I was also a

Lanai?" he asked. I heaved m

the car. I felt a drop in my stomach, and my palms started sweating. Oh no. It was happening. I

ve been no way that I could have shot up in the middle of a full first-class cabin. I wasn't on

l that shit behind. I was here. I wasn't stressed anymore.

long as I needed. I only needed a second. Just something so I didn't get dope sick. I quickly got my kit out of my suit

wrapper off the syringe and nearly dropped the vial of heroin trying to fill it. I

rawing. It was dangerous quitting cold turkey, anyway. Yeah. K

eless, robbing a 711 for money to buy dirty stuff on the street. At least I didn't have hepatitis from sharing need

e sockets, just passed out all day. I hadn't lost my hou

had done tha

tend I didn't fucking love that high. It was like looking at everyth

ng one. Baby steps, that was what mattered the most, right? I only used

day long, but the hard truth was I hated it. I hated that I had to use that shit. I hated that m

stall. I couldn't even look at myself in the mir

ller. If someone was going to recognize me now, it didn't matter because I was leaving anyway. My kit from the outside j

d. He was looking back at me sort of

Let's just go."

taken the edge off, though, and I was finally here. It was beautiful outside. The sun was shining. The a

reat. Lon

d you fly

Ang

cat

t needed a l

ht place. Tell me, d

id, wondering what

Four Seasons has one of the

I knew something that was really relaxing. I shot

the window. He was all right. Making conversation with the people