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Chapter 2

Word Count: 8810    |    Released on: 18/11/2017

irteenth of May, one thousand eight hundred andtwenty-seven, when Mr. Samuel Pickwick burst like another sunfrom his slumbers, threw open his chamber window, and lookedout upon the world beneat

ch are hidden beyond. As well might I be content to gaze onGoswell Street for ever, without one effort to penetrate to thehidden countries which on every side

and, in another hour, Mr. Pickwick, with hisportmanteau in his hand, his telescope in his greatcoat pocket, andhis note-book in his waistcoat, read

d his neck, looked as if he were cataloguedin some collection of rarities. This was the waterman. 'Here youare, sir. Now, then, fust cab!' And the fir

oss,' said M

driver sulkily, for theinformation of his

uired Mr. Pickwick,rubbing his nose with

plied the driver,

nt. Mr. Pickwicklooked very hard at the man's face, but his features wereimmovable, so he noted down the fact f

ee veeks,' re

ck in astonishment, and ou

' observed the drivercoolly, 'but we seldom

weakness!' reiterat

ick

s him up werry tight, andtakes him in werry short, so as he can't werry well fall down; andwe've got a pai

ity of life in horses under tryingcircumstances. The entry was scarcely completed when theyreached the Golden Cross. Down jumped the driver, and out go

Mr. Pickwick, holding out

on flung the money on the pavement, andrequested in figurative terms t

ad,' said Mr

k,' said M

h,' said

cab-driver, sparring

n―all fou

ackney coachmen. 'Go tovork, Sam!―and the

' inquired one gentlema

cabman, 'what did h

number,' said the as

ke it for, then?'

it,' said Mr. Pic

believe as an informer 'ud go about ina man's cab, not only takin' down his number, but e

gh?' inquired

e ground, with a reckless disregard of his own privateproperty, and knocked Mr. Pickwick's spectacles off, and followedup the attack with a blow on Mr. Pickwick's nose, and another onMr. Pickwick's chest, and a third

and all in half

officer?' said

the pump,' sugges

rt for this,' ga

s!' shouted

n, who had been sparring wit

, they began to canvass with considerable vivacity thepropriety of enforcing the heated pastry-vendor's proposition: andthere is no saying w

l, thin, young man, in a greencoat, e

' shouted the

ydispassionate listener, carried conviction with it. 'Ain't

crowd by the infallibleprocess of elbowin

w hurried words explained

' said he of the gre

by main force, and

cidents will happen―best regulated families―never say die―down upon your luck―Pull him up―Put that in his pipe―like theflavour―damned rascals.' And with a lengthened string of simil

and plenty,―eye damaged, sir? Waiter! rawbeef-steak for the gentleman's eye―nothing like raw beef-steakfor a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very

aught full half a pint of the reeking brandy-and-water, and flunghims

offeringtheir thanks to their new acquaintance, Mr. Pi

d closely up to hischin, at the imminent hazard of splitting the back; and an oldstock, without a vestige of shirt collar, ornamented his neck. Hisscanty black trousers displayed here and there those shinypatches which bespeak long service, and were strapped verytightly over a pair of patched and mended shoes, as if to concealthe dirty white stockings, which were n

e had fortunately recovered), and to whomhe proceeded, when his friends had exhaust

re; smart chap that cabman―handled hisfives well; but if I'd been your friend in the

ntrance of theRochester coachman, to announce t

side―leave you to pay for the brandy-and-water,―want change for a five,―bad s

st halting-place too; and having intimated to their new-found acquaintancethat they were journeying to

k on tothe roof with so much precipitation as to impair t

g-cases, nailed up―big as houses―heavy, heavy, damnedheavy,' replied the stranger, as he forced into his pocket as muchas

dangerous work―other day―five children― mother―tall lady,eating sandwiches―forgot the arch―crash―knock―children lookround―mother's head off―sandwich in her hand―no mouth toput it in―head

. Pickwick, 'on the strange

door one day, out at the win

human nature, sir,

are when they've little to d

dgrass has a strong

ick

lines―revolution of July―composed it on the spot―Mars by

at that glorious s

odgr

again―whiz, bang―another idea―wine shop again―pen and ink―back again―cutand slash―noble time, sir.

ialogue occurring in the year

ir,' replied t

, sir―fine purs

now,' said

sure―whistled―dogstopped―whistled again―Ponto―no go; stock still―called him―Ponto, Ponto―wouldn't move―dog transfixed―staring at aboard―looked

' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Will you

imal.―Fine girl, sir' (to Mr. Tracy Tupman, who had beenbestowing

' said M

h―noble creatures―jethair―black eyes―l

n Spain, sir?' sai

d there

ts, sir?' inqui

―jealous father―high-souled daughter―handsomeEnglishman―Donna Christina in despair―prussic acid―stomachpump in my portman

ed Mr. Tupman, onwhom the description of he

ethe brief remnant of a very old cambric handkerchief. 'Neverre

r?' inquired the

in the great square suddenlyceased playing―weeks elapsed―still a stoppage―workmenemployed to clean it―water drawn off―father-in-law discovered

t little romance down, sir?' sai

u like to hear 'em―strange life mine―rather c

orses, did the strangerproceed, until they reached Rochester bridge, by which time thenote-books,

, with all thepoetic fervour that distinguished h

e very words whichfell from Mr. Pickwick's m

wore away the oldsteps―little Saxon doors―confessionals like money-takers' boxesat theatres―queer customers those monks―popes, and lordtreasurers, and all sorts

oliloquise until theyreached the Bull Inn,

re, sir?' inquired

y dear―half-a-crown in the bill ifyou look at the waiter―charge you more if you d

passed from Mr. Pickwick to Mr. Snodgrass,from Mr. Snodgrass to Mr. Tupm

very important servic

a slight mark of our gratitude bybeggin

dictate, but broiled fowl andmu

k, referring to his watch, 'it isno

hed-up hat a fewinches from his head, and carelessly replacing it very much on oneside, the stranger, with hal

ountries, and a close observer ofm

o see his poem,' s

have seen that dog

of Donna Christina,the stomach pump, and t

oomsinspected, and dinner ordered, the party walke

, Chatham, and Brompton, thathis impressions of their appearance differ in any material pointfrom th

ake, apples, flat-fish, andoysters. The streets present a lively and animated appearance,occasioned chiefly by the conviviality of the military. It is trulydelightful to a philanthropic mind to see these gallant menstaggering along u

rmaid had positively refused todraw him any more liquor; in return for which he had (merely inplayfulness) drawn his bayonet, and wounded the girl in theshoulde

f tobacco in these t

who are extremelyfond of smoking. A superficial traveller might object to the dirt,which is their leading charac

inner. He had divested himself of his brown paperparcel, but had made no

uired, as the waiter re

les,

achproprietors get up political dinners―carriage of sol

the stranger took wine,first with him, and

and then with the whole partytoget

the staircase, waite

coming down―lamps, glasses,

ir,' said

sembl

y, sir. Ball for the be

this town, do you kn

with great

ybody knows Kent―apples,cherries, h

replied Mr. Tupman. The s

,' said Mr. Tupman, resuming the

r,' interposed the waiter

r. Snodgrass, or the abstracted gaze of Mr. Pickwick, he appliedhimself with great interest to the port wine and dessert, which

er, 'bottle stands―pass itround―way of th

ed about two minutesbefore, and poured out an

ed. Mr. Tupman felt every momentmore disposed for the ball. Mr. Pickwick's countenance glowed

dles tuning―now the harp―there they go.' Thevarious sounds which found

ike to go,' said

r―'confounded luggage,―heavysmack

a principle thanMr. Tracy Tupman. The number of instances recorded on theTransactions of the Society, in which that excellent man referredobjects of charity to the h

but you are rathe

ntedfrom the tub, and adopted kersey, eh?―not double

influential member of the PickwickClub being ignominiously compared to a dismounted Bacchus, is afact not yet completely ascertained. He passed the wine, coughedtwice, and looked at the stranger for

hough my apparelwould be too large, a suit of my

ith his eye, and thatfeature glistened wit

e the ordinary transitions from the height of convivialityto the depth of misery, and from the depth of misery to the heightof conviviality. Like a gas-lamp in the street, with the wind in thepipe, he had exhibited for a moment an unnatural brilliancy, thensank so low as to be scarcely discernible; after

uponMr. Tupman. The temptation to take the stranger with him wasequally great. He was wholly unacquainted with the place and

w that the moment he awoke he would, inthe ordinary course of nature, roll heavily to b

; and the additionalstimulus of the

f I woke him now, but Iknow he has a dress-suit in a carpet bag; and supposing you woreit to the ball

dsituation―fourteen coats in the packing-cases, and ob

ase our tickets,

y for both―I call; you spin―first time―woman―woman―bewitching woman,' and do

hamber candlesticks. In another quarter of an hour the stranger

imself with great complacency in a cheval glass; 'the first tha

ge gilt button which d

tre, and the letters

ut―old fellow's likeness,and "P. C."―What

ignation and great importance

alf-way up his back. 'Like a general postman's coat―queer coats those―made by contract―no measuring―mysteriousdispensations of Providence―all the s

Mr. Tupman, ascended the sta

Mr. Tracy Tupmanwas stepping forward to announc

ones―capital names for a small party, but won't make animpression in public assemblies―incog. the thing―gentlemenfrom Lon

n elevated den, and quadrilles were beingsystematically got through by two or three sets of dancers. Twocard-tables were made up

he room, andMr. Tupman and his companion station

women,' said

people of upper rank don'tknow dockyard people of lower rank―dockyard people of lowerrank d

e light hair and pink eyes, in a

tle boy―nonsense―ensign 97th―Honourable

r, Lady Clubber, and

e room by the entrance of atall gentleman in a blue coat and bright buttons, a large lady inblu

red Sir Thomas Clubber and family tothe top of the room. The Honourable Wilmot Snipe, and otherdistinguished gentlemen crowded to render hom

ie, and the Misses Smithie

ithie?' inquired

ebowed deferentially to Sir Thomas Clubber; and Sir ThomasC

s. Smithie and familythrough her eye-glass

se husband was not i

lonel Bulder, and Miss Bul

son,' said the stran

's inqui

Lady Clubber was ofthe most affectionate description; Colonel Bulder and Sir ThomasClubber exchange

le in other parts of it. The less aristocratic officers of the97th devoted themselves to the families of the less importantfunctionaries from the dockyard. The solicitors' wives, and thewine-m

The doctor took snuff witheverybody, chatted with everybody, laughed, danced, made jokes,played whist, did everything, and was everywhere. To thesepursuits, multifarious as they were, the little doctor added a morei

both Mr. Tupmanand his companion had been fixe

the intelligible sentences which issued from hislips. Mr. Tupman looked

e?' inquired

fat countenance ofthe little old lady. Mr. Tupman looked on, in mute astonishment The stranger progressed rapidly; the little doctor danced withanother lady; the widow dropped her fan; the stranger picked itup, and presented it―

Thedoctor's attentions were unheeded by the widow; and the doctor'sindignation was wholly lost on his imperturbable rival. DoctorSlammer was paralysed. He, Doctor Slammer, of the 97th,

! He looked again, and was under the painfulnecessity of admitting the veracity of his

about,with a face expressive of the most intense solemnity, dancing (as agood many people do) as if a quadrille were

coquetting, that ensued; but, a few seconds after thestranger had disappeared to lead Mrs. Budger to her carriage, hedarted swiftly from the

eturning, and Mr. Tu

. The little doctor thirsted forhis l

gle of the passage, 'my name is Slammer, DoctorSlammer, sir―97th Regiment―Chatham Bar

mmer―much obliged―polite attention―not il

ious doctor, 'apoltroon―a coward―a liar―a―a―wi

l landlord―very foolish―very―lemonade muchbetter―hot rooms―elderly gentlem

leman; 'you are intoxicated now, sir; you shall hear from me in

than found me at home,' r

ty, as he fixed his haton his head with an

f the latter to restore theborrowe

fast asleep; the rest

le affair was an exquisite joke. His new friend departed; and,after experiencing some slight difficulty in finding the orifice in his

by a series of complicatedevolutions, a

ick's comprehensive mind was arousedfrom the state of unconsciousness, in which sl

, starting

ots,

do you

eman of your partywears a bright blue dress

'and theman has forgotten whom it belongs to.―Mr. Winkle

' said the Boots,

man, as a loud knocking athis door r

Winkle, sir?' replied

ling into the innerroom. 'Hollo!' replied

ng exertedhimself to articulate thus much, Mr. Tr

ed, andputting on a few articles of clothing; 'wanted

offee-room, sir,' rep

im; 'gentleman says he'llnot detain you a

Mr. Winkle; 'I'll

d woman and acouple of waiters were cleaning the coffee-room, and an officer inundress uniform was loo

tire, and closed the door verycareful

e is Wink

m you that I havecalled here this morning on be

ammer!' said

t of last evening was of a description which nogentleman could endure;

ted me to add,that he was firmly persuaded you were intoxicated during aportion of the evening, and possibly unconscious of the extent ofthe insult you were guilty of.

d Mr. Winkle, in the most emph

the alternative,' repl

ted with this mess

llects were hopelessly confused b

e your card to DoctorSlammer, I was desired by that gentleman to identify the wearerof a very unc

m the inquiries I made at the bar, justnow, I was convinced that the owner of the coat in questionarrived here, with three gentlemen, yester

e-roomwindow, Mr. Winkle's surprise would have been as nothingcompared with the profound astonishment with which he hadheard

replied the unw

bag. There was the coat in its usual place, butexhibiting, on a close

ards. The fact is, I was very drunk;―I must have changedmy coat―gone somewhere―and insulted somebody―I have nodoubt of it; and this message is the terrible consequence.' Sayingwhich, Mr. Winkle retr

ed by a variety ofconsiderations, the firs

ding were lost for ever. Besides, he remembered tohave heard it frequently surmised by the uninitiated in suchmatters that by an understood arrangement between the seconds,the pistols were seldom loaded with ball; and, furthermore, hereflected that if he applied to Mr. Snodg

to the coffee-room,and intimated his int

d, to arrange the time and plac

le; 'name them to me, andI can procure

s evening?' inquired the o

r. Winkle, thinking in h

know Fo

saw it y

o the left when you arrive at anangle of the fortification, and keep straight on, till you see me, I

rruption!' thou

arrange, I think,

thing more,' replied Mr.

e officer whistled a liv

our under a poeticaldepression of spirits; and even Mr. Pickwick evinced an unusualattachment to silence and soda-water. Mr. Winkle eagerly watchedhis opportunity: it was

en they had turned ou

pon your secrecy?' As hesaid this, he most

ied Mr. Snodgrass

scompanion's unconsciously pledging himself not to giveinfo

spirit ofpoesy, raised towards the clouds as he made

nce, my dear fellow, i

Mr. W

eplied Mr. Snodgrass, cl

the matter appear as solemn as possible; 'anaffair with an officer, seconded

nd you,' said

w cool any party but the principal can be in suchcases. Mr. Winkle h

s may be dreadful,

ot,' said M

eve, is a very good s

o are you, ain't you?' Mr. Winkle replied in theaffirmative; and perceiv

otion, 'if I fall,you will find in a packet which I

s affected, buthe undertook the delivery of the no

e the fact. Shall I involvemy friend in transportation―possibly for life!' Mr. Snodgrasswinced a little at this,

they walked silently along, side by side, for someminutes, each immerse

localauthorities―do not obtain the assistance of several peace officers,to take either me or Doctor Slammer, of t

d's hand warmly, as heenthusiast

the had nothing to hope from his friend's fears, and that he wa

ase having been form

ng been hiredfrom a manufacturer in Rochester, the two friends returned totheir inn; Mr. Winkle to ruminate on the a

awkward errand. Mr. Winkle was muffled up in a hugecloak to escape obs

hing?' said Mr. Winkle

the shots don't take effect. There's a quarter of a pound ofpowder in

ost grateful. The presumption is, that thegratitude of Mr. Winkle was too pow

first field;' the sun is just going down.' Mr. Winklelooked up at the declining or

Mr. Winkle, after a few minuteswa

s friend, andobserved a figure, muffled up, as he had described. The officerevinced his consciousness of their pr

ke a distant giantwhistling for his house-dog. The sadness of the scene imparted asombre tinge to the f

d a secluded field. Twogentlemen were waiting in it; one was a little, fat man, with blackhair; and

ke a drop of brandy.' Mr. Winkle seized the wicker bottle whichhis fr

e officerapproached. Doctor Slammer's friend bowed, and p

ink,' he coldlyremarked, as he opened the ca

nodgrass, who began to feel

ep forward?' s

es arranged. 'You will find these better than yourown,' said the opposite sec

ved himfrom considerable embarrassment, for his previous

the officer, withas much indifference as if the

any proposition, because he knew nothing about thematter. The offic

d he, offering the pist

ow,' said poor Winkle. 'Allright,' said

n, and win'―an admirable thing to recommend,if you only know how to do it. He took off his cloak, however, insilence―it always took a long time to

his shutting his eyes when hearrived at the fatal spot; and that the circumstance of his eyesbeing closed, prevented his observing the very extraordinary

said Doctor Slammer,

running up; 'th

' said Doctor S

an!' said Mr

the gentleman with the

ittle doctor. 'That's not the pe

dinary!' exclai

be the individual whoinsulted our friend, Doctor Slammer, yesterday evening, whetherhe is really that individual or not;' and having delivered thissuggestion, wi

t he had afterwards said that there was, beyondall question, some mistake in the matter, he at once foresaw theincrease of reputation he should

tool, 'is an affront toDoctor Slammer, and a

tor's second. 'Why did younot communic

e,' said the man with t

, Payne,' said the other. 'M

lemanly person as wearing a coat which Ihave the honour, not only to wear but to have invented―theproposed uniform, sir, of the Pickwick C

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