"Sorry I'm clumsy and upset this morning"
"It's okay." He had looked at me and smiled a broad smile, enveloping me in his warmth, and instantly I had wanted to wrap him in my hands.
"How about I give you my coffee, which means I save you the stress of waiting for your turn" he had said and I knew it sounded like it had a twist
"And what do you get?" I asked
"Your number so I could take you out for a date"
I had been dumbfounded, I was hardly asked out because I never really left an opening for anyone to approach me. But this fresh out-of-college guy was asking for my number and I was giving it to him.
It has been bliss ever since.
I knocked on the door after I parked my car in my garage, but there was no response. I brought out my keys and opened it, the lights were on, a clear indication that someone was in. Most definitely Nicholas.
I called out to him, and I heard feet shuffling from our bedroom, already anticipating the worst. The pessimist that I am, I went in and there and then, my heart stopped and horror ran through me.
"Ellie" he gasped, and I shook my head
"No"
I went blank and quietly walked backward till I was at the entrance, with the urgency I had come upstairs with I ran back to my car and drove off to the nearest bar I could think of.
I didn't know the reflex that had driven me there but it had and I was there at 11:46 ordering a fry whiskey. The bartender was looking at me like I had gone mad, maybe I had.
I was a woman in a two-piece suit with her hair packed perfectly ordering shot after shot of whiskey.
I stared into space and remained there until the image of my boyfriend with another girl blurred in my head, I was already convinced that I was stuck. I was angry and distraught, how could he have done that to me? I had invested my whole being into making this work and he was just going to throw it all out.
My heart shattered over and over again in my chest and I couldn't take any more shots. I was more angry than heartbroken. Nobody played with my heart, I didn't deserve it.
The bartender came over and announced they were closing. I pulled out a bundle of cash and paid him. I was sure I had over-tipped but it was the least of my problems.
***************
I got home yet again, I felt Deja Vu but with different emotions. I hoped he had gotten rid of the 'girl' and himself too. I found the door opened and immediately he came out and stood by the couch.
"You're wasted Ellie," he said looking at me warily
"Do not tell me what I am or not, but I'd tell you what you are. A cheater!" I said, poking my hands into his chest.
He was so built, and his consistency at fitness had been something else I had admired about him, he dared cheat on me. He went after another woman, a younger woman.
She didn't even look like she was out of college yet.
"Let me explain El," he said trying to hold me, I weakly shook off his grip.
"What is there to say, Nick? Was it a mistake? Go ahead and say you bringing another woman to my house to have sexual relations was a mistake and I would teach you how to try again"
"That's the problem with you El you're so controlling, I wanted to be in control for once"
"What do you mean I'm controlling? How has that got to do with you cheating?" I said almost tearing up.
I never cried, not even when I was not valedictorian in school, not even when I missed my first job, but now I was on the brink of tears. I blamed it on the drink.
"You always have your stuff together, I needed out. I needed to be not so organised"
"Are you saying you cheated because I am organised? None of this is making sense Nick"
"Ellie, I don't want to do this with you anymore. I know that it hurts your pride. But I feel like myself when I'm with her and I want to explore what we have. Sorry about using your bed" he said and I watched him walk away.
I remained where I was and then suddenly, adrenaline from the alcohol kicked in
"Nick!!" I screamed "I want you out of my house this instant, I don't want you near here. Leave, I don't want to see your face" I said, throwing out his shirt.
He came out of the bathroom and looked at me like I was crazy, I didn't care.
"Leave here Nick! Leave" I cried. He put on a shirt and went over to pick up his keys
"I've always known you were crazy. You're finally snapping out" he said as he jingled the key
I threw a throw pillow at him and he jammed the door.
I sat on the ground and wept, I wept for the months that I had wasted. I wept for the memories that would haunt me and I wept because of the pain that gnawed and ate at me. Nick could not have the last bite.