Émie's Hell

Émie Carter:

“Get up soon, you bitch, or you'll miss the time to go to your hell.” At the end of his words, there was a horrible, stomach-churning laugh.

My father wouldn't leave me alone, but my hatred for him only grew by the second, especially when he brought his friends into the house. Leaving me totally exposed, as the house was tiny and unfortunately my monthly income wasn't compatible with rent.

“I'm sorry about that, Émie. I hope that one day you can forgive me.” It was always the same sentences, although I knew she wouldn't change anymore, not for the better, I always forgave her. She was my inspiration four years ago, when she was still living her dreams intensely, until she decided to go back to my father again.

“So long…” to say goodbye without looking into her eyes, which were now as empty as a forest without visitors.

As a child I imagined a happy life with my parents, but everything suddenly changed. The house was sold, we moved to another city and finally, I lost my best friend since moving to another city. I lost all will to live from the moment I won a scholarship to Harvard, but I had no chance of going, so I settled for studying literature in the hours when I had the privilege.

In the library where I worked, everything was old, most of the books were donated, although the salary wasn't very good, the place was simply fantastic.

The silence was something that people really appreciated, but deep down, the loneliness was eating me up inside.

“Good morning, I've brought you a cappuccino just the way you like it, with lots of cream.” That voice was more than familiar, it was Betsy, my childhood best friend who I hadn't seen for two years.

“My G-O-D!” - were the only words I managed to say before getting up from the chair and hugging her tightly. “How did you manage to find me here? Forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye, I had no choice.”

“It's all right, Émie. I ran into your mother the other day, so I asked her where you were living and she just gave me your work address. Why did you disappear without telling anyone? I spent everyday waiting for a message from you, thank God I found you, girl.” Betsy hugged me tightly and for a moment I wished she'd always been there with me.

We were like flesh and blood, inseparable, until her parents moved into a mansion when we were 13, two years later my parents started moving out and since then they haven't left, even if one day they intend to, I hope I don't live with them anymore.

“I'm sorry, I really am! I wasn't very well and things only seemed to get worse, so I got rid of my cell phone and stayed away from all the news. I should have at least called from a pay phone, please forgive me.” I gave her a weak smile, making her frown and smile out loud.

“I told you, everything's fine. Well... I have to stop disturbing you. Oh, I've rented an apartment nearby and I'll come and pick you up at 8pm, then we'll see what we can do.” It's amazing how in two years, Bet hasn't changed at all in her personality, always rushed and without time.

“I missed you!” I shouted before she got into the car and she shouted back. People looked at me with disdain and went back to reading where they had left off, while I felt like a crazy person at that moment.

The bible shop closed at 6pm, but as they needed a person to clean the floor and remove the dust, I dedicated myself to doing an extra three hours every day, so I'd get a bit more on payday.

After doing everything, I felt exhausted. The tables are made of marble and are very heavy, sometimes I have to drag them to clean their feet and that exhausts me. Finally, the clock struck 19:57 when we heard a knock on the door, as it was locked.

“What are you still doing here? I thought they'd already closed.” Betsy was ready to go wherever, unlike me.

“I need money, Betsy.” She gave a little peck and a negative nod.

“Look, I didn't come all this way to get a no, so I've already got your clothes sorted. I know it's not really your thing, but I bet you'd love it, and you could even go out once in a while.”

Betsy pulled me into the car without even giving me time to think. Her apartment was simply marvelous and a dream, no envy! Her blood-red dress was beautiful, her outfit was a perfect match for her shoulder-length hair.

“Come on, get changed…” without warning, she hugged me tightly, kissed my cheek and said: “I think the best thing in my life was meeting you. I have so many things to tell you, Émie.”

“Without a doubt, the best thing in my life was always having you there. I remember as if it were today, you stealing cupcakes from your afternoon coffee to take to me, I... I can't tell you how much you helped me to keep going without wanting to give up.”

“All right! Now get dressed, it's our night. Have you told your parents you're going to sleep over?”

“Yes!" I lied. I hated lying, but it was something I didn't want to talk about at the moment. Betsy was too happy to worry about other people's problems, not even mine.

Although I liked nice things, they were too expensive and I couldn't afford them, but Bet always managed not to make a problem of it. The long lilac dress was perfect, the details were as if it had been made for me. My curves were on show, which made me a little embarrassed that I had nothing to show, after all, I'm not tall, let alone slim. - Oh my God! - I said when I saw the pair of heels that Betsy had put on there, which must have cost at least two houses that I currently live in.

“Betsy, you can't do this. I don't want you to worry about me, I'm fine, and you need to think more about your future.” She didn't answer, but kept her eyes fixed on the mirror, trying to make her eyelashes as long as possible.

“You know that Michael is fascinated by heels, don't you? He asked me to give you something nice that you liked, so…”

“Michael!” I said softly, feeling a pang in my chest, as if it were possible to re-live everything I had experienced in the past, when we lived nearby. Until he left on my birthday, we had arranged to run away when I turned 18, but it was all just a joke.

(...)

Betsy, who hadn't stopped talking for a minute, had finally found someone, giving me a chance to go to the bathroom on my own.

Nervousness completely overwhelmed me, having the ability to stop my thoughts and stir up my fears. I was afraid of my parents finding me and embarrassing Bet; I'm afraid of loving someone too much who didn't want me and, among many others, the one that scares me the most is never being able to be truly happy, away from all this. The white powder right in front of me was what kept me going for the rest of the night, which wasn't a bad thing. With a fifty, I made a straw, placed it on the end of the white list and sucked it in with my nose in one go, feeling bitterness in my mouth the next moment.

“Come on, Émie, please!” the knocks on the door became constant, but it was possible to hear voices other than Betsy's, which indicated that she wasn't alone, but had a few people by her side.

“I'm coming out, just a minute.” I put everything that could be traces away in my bag, tidied my hair and tried to look as normal as possible.

“Come on, I want you to meet some people.” Betsy grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into the crowd, leaning her elbows on the counter as she placed her order with the others.

(...)

I met all of Betsy's friends, drank a lot in the hope of dreaming the night away of a life far away from my parents, and finally realized that my time to leave had come. Betsy knew how to take care of herself, she never drank too much, I made sure she was sober, and she was! I said goodbye and left, lying that I would call a cab when I got out of there.

My head was dizzy, my body staggered sideways with every step forward, as if I was going to fall over at any moment. The street was deserted, with no cars on the pavement, so I thought "this was the perfect time to cross the street. I held my heels firmly in my hands and stepped forward, my body being thrown away the next moment. I felt my body relax and my eyes gradually closed...