Amelia's Insecurity

“Can you please take that thing out of my sight?” My eyebrows were twitching in annoyance while my breath started to become rapid. The only sound surrounding the whole place is the sound of cluttering cutlers while my maids remained feigned in fear.

It’s been two days since I locked myself in my room. How can I not? After what had happened?

I threw another glance at the poor maids on the floor peeking up the specks of my food.

Tss! I can’t believe men are drooling over the freaking women! What do they even see in her, enough that they’re even fighting over her for a fucking muse position in a basketball team?

Damn it, this is so crazy!

I just don’t know where the hell did they get the idea of her being a beautiful maiden! Like fuck my shit! She can’t even compare to me!

And what’s more annoying is that my parents agreed on the idea and I ended up locking myself in my room to contain the anger in me.

“Fucking idiots.” I gritted my teeth and then ripped up Febi’s photo on the side of my table.

I faked my health and pretended to be ill to avoid the eyes of the people.  I told them that my body feels heavy due to the training we had. But most importantly, I pretended to do it so I could receive attention from my parents and yet it didn’t even seem to work!

I rolled my eyes on the side.

What the hell is wrong with them? They’re so caring over a maid’s daughter and yet they can’t even visit their own child who is sick in bed.

“Ah, how I wish you died in the past!”

Ever since we were little, I have already achieved almost everything. I did my best in school and even claimed almost all the medals and yet just one medal from Febi and it already makes them so pleased!

What’s wrong with me? Aren’t I their daughter and not her?

Ate always told me to appreciate Febi as much as I can even at the cost of their unfair treatment of me. Bullshit.

Just as I was about to make a few more inches towards the edge of the bed, I ended up making a loud thud on the floor, giving me a hard impact on my hinge.

“Damn it!” I cussed from my accidental fall.

I really hate my life.

It’s so irritating! Why am I even jealous of a lower person like her when I’m at the top of my chain? I deserve all of the praises and attention, not her; not a plain woman like her.

“Reina?”

Just as I was contemplating to myself, the door creaked open and I heard a voice from outside the door.

I immediately faked my tears and she saw me slumped down on the floor.

“What the heck? What the hell are you doing there?” She immediately came to my aid and helped me stand up while my tears continued to stream down.

His name is Yules and he is the business partner of my father; the youngest of Mr. Gozon’s sons and truth to be told, I really admire his father’s features.

Mr. Gozon is a full Russian; he has all the characteristics I want for a man although of course he is married to his wife. Katsuta’s mother on the other hand is a half-Filipina and Japanese and she also looked charismatic in the eye.

He’s probably here today for a weekly meeting with my father.

“The maid said you didn’t eat your lunch and so I wanted to check if you’re okay.” He put his palm across my forehead.

I could see the worriedness in his face as he put me back on my bed and laid me with a blanket.

“I’m not okay. I feel so bad because of everything that is happening in school. It’s so unacceptable! I am way better than her; prettier and more!” I started to rant my feelings out when he suddenly flicked my forehead.

What the hell?

“Attitude always wins, Reina. Even if you ask me, my answer would be the same. She’s a very friendly, approachable and bubbly person. And compared to you, you might bite anyone at their slightest mistake. It’s one of the reasons why most people are afraid of you. You’re almost perfect if it weren’t for your attitude.”

My forehead aligned as though it was a crescent moon while my eyebrows were unparalleled and paralleled at the same time. I immediately got up from my bed and squinted my eyes.

“Don’t tell me, you like Febi as well, that’s why you also talk to me like this?”

My eyes never left his, looking intently onto his orbs.

He looked away from me.

What the hell? I can’t believe this!

“Whatever! Go crazy about her, to hell I care! Don’t ever come back here, Yules!” I turned away from him, only to feel his arms around my body.

And does he think he’ll be able to comfort me with an embrace?

“Hey, don’t feel sad,” he said, his voice vibrating towards his epigram and leaning towards my back. I yanked his hands away and clicked my tongue.

“No, don’t ever touch me. I won’t talk to you anymore. I know I have no one I can lean on, that’s how my life has always been. I’m always alone. All of you are the same,” I said, my tears starting to build up in my eyes.

It’s just so annoying. Why does she take everything from me? What’s so good about her?

“Why don’t you try to change or fix what’s wrong with you, Reina?” The tears in my eyes managed to stop for a second upon the words I heard.

Did he just tell me to change just to be accepted?

My eyes couldn’t help but feel surprised until the blood in me started to boil. I can’t believe this!

“Yules, enough,” I started. “If that’s what you think of me then do so but I will never change myself for the likes of other people. You’re the same as them!” I yelled and then gritted my teeth. “If you don’t like me that much then just leave me alone and go to Febi or something! Fuck you! Fuck all of you!” I immediately got up from my bed and then walked towards the door. I can’t deal with this sort of shit!

Everyone is on her side. Why is she so good at taking people?

“Reina, are you feeling better?” I coincidentally met Febi in the hallway. I ignored her and kept walking until I felt her touch my arm.

I yanked it away. I am not in a good mood right now.

“Do I look okay to you, Febi? Does it look like I’m okay?” The tears in my eyes were starting to build up again before I immediately turned and walked away.

Sometimes, I feel so mad. Why do I have to be jealous over a girl like her? Why does it feel like I am at odds even at home with a daughter of a maid?

I walked straight towards my car at our garage and opened the door. Once I entered and sat on the driving seat, the tears in my eyes finally rolled down one by one and I couldn’t help but just scream aloud.

Fuck! My life is such a waste!

Lorenz, my friend Yules, even Troy… all of them like Febi! Why? What’s so good about her? Why isn’t it me? Why isn’t it me that they like?

“I loathe you, Febi! All of you!” I yelled and cried out loud while maneuvering the wheels however I wanted. I was driven by my own insanity and anger.

The tears in my eyes continued to flow down as my eyebrows were arched.

The trees were moving steadily while the rain started to pour down. I fought with my mind for a second before I realized I had nowhere to go. There was no direction in my life… to where I am going.

Is this how my life has always been?

I immediately halted my car, pressing onto the brake and putting it at the side when I realized that the rain was pouring heavier.

“Damn it,” I cussed, wiping off the tears in my eyes. The road was starting to fog immediately while the rain continued to stream down my windshield.

I won’t be able to roam further because of this godforsaken rain.

I rolled my eyes on the side and grabbed onto my phone to call home. As soon as I opened it, floods of text messages and calls reigned on my screen. And most of them were from my ate and… Febi.

What the hell? Does she have no common sense at all? She’s invading even my cellphone for fuck’s sake!

I ignored all of her text messages and went straight to the home screen. Just as my eyes landed at the apps installed on my phone, I managed to see an unfamiliar app.

My forehead creased.

When did I ever install this? It was a dating app that seemed new to my eyes.

I might have downloaded this while I was drunk the last time after browsing on my social media and noticed Febi on the top of my notifications.

She was the hottest choice for the sports festival of the university as the muse.

I shook my head. Damn it, why do I have the same mutual as her anyway? I don’t want to be reminded of her!

Just as I was lost in my own world, a message suddenly popped and I went silent for a second. It was a message from the app from earlier.

Curious at the very content, I clicked on the app only for my forehead to wrinkle again.

What the hell? I have an account on this app?

My profile icon involved a sexy photo of my collarbone along with a profile description that anyone can easily tell that a drunk person wrote.

Tss. When did I ever look for a sugar daddy? I really need to abstain myself from drinking too much! This is what happens to me whenever I fall victim to alcohol!

“Ah damn this vagina off mine–“ Just as I was cursing myself, I suddenly received a phone call.

It was coming from a man named Marshall, the same man who sent me a message not too long ago.

Shit. I’m hesitating to answer it since I don’t even have a memory of chatting with whoever this is.

“What did I even get myself into?” I shouted to myself, putting my hands across my temples before pulling onto my hair.

The rain never stopped pouring and instead became much harder. I still don’t want to go home and so I decided to look for a hotel rather than come home and see Febi and the others again.

Just as I was about to hold onto the steering wheel, my phone rang again. It was the same caller from the dating app.

I finally answered the call and was about to speak when the man cut me off.

“Melia?” A deep baritone voice greeted me and so I took a deep breath and smiled.

What the hell am I supposed to say?

“Yes, what can I do for you?” I asked, however, the man on the other side of the phone laughed.

What’s so funny?

“That’s not the tone of your voice when I talked to you last time. You sound pissed off.” I rolled my eyes and leaned onto the chair.

“Well, as you can see, I was drunk at the time I talked to you,” I commented but again, the man only let out a chuckle. Seriously? What’s wrong with this man? You can obviously tell that he’s an old man based on his tone and patience.

“Well if you don’t remember me then that’s fine but we can start all over again. From trying to let you remember everything from the first of our conversation to the last,” he responded. He somehow resembles a man who lives in the United Kingdom, a man with a British accent.

Wait… is this man an American or something? Well, fuck him!

I clicked my tongue, my eyebrows arching. “To hell do I care about that? Why am I even talking to a stupid man like you? I’m driving for fuck’s sake, stop bothering me!” I shouted and was about to end the call when I heard him chuckle again.

Damn it, why is it that every time he chuckles, it feels so soothing to the ear?

“I understand what you say, Baby,” the man suddenly said, which made me silent. I was so sure that he did not understand a single word I said and yet…

I gulped. My heart started to beat fast. The fuck, so this man is actually a Filipino?

“What do you even want to begin with?” I asked, irritated. I’m already starting to lose my patience. It’s already so late, the rain is still pouring hard and here I am conversing with a fucking stranger! “How old are you and why am I even having a conversation with the likes of you?” I finally started the engine of my car and drove towards the road again.

Not long after, my eyes happen to pass by a nearby hotel. Ah whatever, as long as I can escape my home for a while.

“I already said my age the last time and you said it was your ideal age for a partner.”

Again, I gulped. Our line still hasn’t ended and he is still trying to pursue me. I parked my car in one of the slots and got off with my essentials.

After a few minutes, I went straight to the receptionist while my head was still jumbled into pieces.

He said, he was my ideal age for a partner? So, he’s probably someone who is 20 years older than me?

“Can you just shut up? I will stop talking with you so let’s forget about everything. We never had this conversation, you never had my phone number and I never had yours as well,” I said, trying to bargain with him. “I don’t even have a copy of your conversation from before,” I added. It’s not like I wanted to bother and look for it. I just noticed that everything has been deleted completely.

“Oh, that’s unfortunate, Baby, but it’s alright. At least, I still have a lot of your nude pictures from our last chat.”

My hands immediately slipped and my phone quickly fell onto the ground.

What the fuck did he just say? I can’t believe this! Fuck that Febi for ruining my life completely!

“Shut up, are you trying to threaten me?” I said after picking up my phone again. My blood is starting to boil. “What do you even want?” I continued, my eyebrows starting to furrow.

The man keeps laughing to himself. Truthfully, it sounds so good but what’s wrong with him? Is he a clown that’s why he keeps laughing to himself? Does it even look like I am joking?

“No, I don’t need anything, Baby girl. I just want to talk with you, nothing else. And let me clarify one thing, I didn’t ask for your photos, you sent it by yourself,” he explained. “I never forced you, Reina.”

The way he called my name sent a shiver down my spine. Damn, the more I hear his voice, the more I yearn for it.

It’s freaking hot.

“T-Then, what do you want?” I couldn’t help but startle a little. I carefully twisted the door knob on one of the rooms at the hotel I booked and put my essentials on the sofa. I then turned immediately towards the AC and opened it up. The rain might be pouring hard outside but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t hot at all.

I sat on the floor and started to light some cigarettes, before I smoked it out. “So?” I added, waiting for his answer. What does this old man even want?

I might look stupid since for some reason, at the pit of my stomsch, there’s this butterflies in my stomach, as though anticipating his answer. If he ever answers foolishly, then this is the end of it.

“Don’t lock your door, I’ll be there by midnight.”

The hair on my body rose as my eyes widened in shock. What the fuck did he just say?

“W-What do you mean?” Again, I couldn’t help but stutter from what he just said. I can’t just let a stranger come in.

It’s like inviting your own death to your own fucking party! What if he’s a killer? A psychopath? There is no way, I am doing that!

“No way,” I yelled. “I will never do that. Who knows, you might be a killer or something and you’ll come barging in if you can have your way,” I added. “Wait, how did you even know I am in some hotel, huh?”

Honestly, it sounds so creepy at first but I find it overwhelmingly good at the same time. I am curious and somehow intrigued by his own mysteries.

“I can never do that to you, Reina. I will be there however, you shouldn’t open the lights. Just let me be and wait for me.”

I felt my blood rise up my cheeks. What the fuck am I thinking? What’s gotten in me to trust a stranger I have never met in my entire life?

I didn’t know what I was thinking. I closed my lights, I turned away. I didn’t lock my door. All for the sake of this old man to visit me in the middle of the night.

I closed my eyes for a second when the clock finally struck twelve o’ clock in the morning.

There, footsteps engulfed the silent room as my breath almost stopped from his call.

“Reina.”

I felt a chill down my spine from the roughness of his voice. There is some kind of a foreign feeling building up within me, butterflies and fast beating heart, I gulped.

“I am here.” I felt his touch along my arms. Fuck. Why does it feel like I am looking forward to this? This is even our first time meeting!

“Marshall?” I called out. His hands were travelling along my body when my hair suddenly rose from his touch near my neck.

What the hell is this overwhelming feeling? Why do I feel tingly from the inside? I want to pee or something.

“Yes, Baby?” I covered my mouth, trying to stop myself from moaning when he squeezed my arm. Damn, I really like the roughness of his palm.

“How did you know that I was here?” I asked. He was now playing with the locks of my hair.

I wanted to turn around and look at him but I’m scared that he looked like a bald old man.

Reina, you idiot! You shouldn’t have agreed with this! You’re such a failure!

“I have my ways, Baby. Let’s just enjoy tonight.”

I bit my lips from the way he said those words before I let out a moan from his squeezing of my waist.

Fuck, he’s trying to tease me from all this touching. He feels so irresistible and hot.

I want more. I need more. And my mind has been dying from the curiosity building within me.

The blood on my body rose up my cheeks as I stopped him for a second.

“Can you please stop teasing me?” I said and then furrowed my brows. “Just do whatever you want,” I added, biting my lips.