Love in the Dark

"Sorry the test was negative "The family doctor, Mr. Charles told me and my heart sank, muttering a thank you in a sullen tone, I rose and exited the office. I had mistaken some signs to be symptoms of pregnancy but I was wrong. I wanted to get pregnant ,I would do just anything to get pregnant.

Although my husband was a wreck in bed and barely satisfied my sexual needs ,my yearning for a child of my own overshadowed his flaws. I didn't care if I reached my orgasms or if he went into me and ejaculate after a few thrusts, leaving me unsatisfied and empty, what mattered to me now more than life itself was being a mother

We have been married for six years and our courtship had been sex-free. Not that any of us was a virgin but I had sworn myself to celibacy and had been surprised and glad when God has brought the way a man who stated that no sex until marriage, but little did I know that I was not due to religious beliefs but simply because he never wanted me to discover how terrible he was in satisfying a woman. No foreplay, no dirty talk, just spread my thighs, let himself in and in less than two minutes he was done, rolling off to turn his back on me and then you hear him snoring away leaving me sad, angry unsatisfied, and depressed.

In our first year, I had hope that I would conceive within months but nothing happened. I made frequent visits to the hospital for checks up but my husband never agreed to follow me no matter what. He has told me that he was fine and I must be the one with the problem. The pressure from our families was mounting, especially from his mother who calls me almost every month to find out if I had conceived.

Society too wouldn't give me breathing space and soon began to conclude that I was barren and I must have fucked up my womb while I was in college from excessive drug use or series of abortions But that was not true. I have never aborted before nor abused any drug but people will say what they believed anyway and other women including some of my friends seized opportunities to indirectly remind me of my childlessness.

I prayed. I cried. I fasted. I begged God for a solution but the answers weren't forthcoming until I overheard my husband on the phone and realized that his mother has been pressuring him into getting a second wife. His friends were also secretly advising him to get a random girl pregnant since he a married for a wife. I was helpless and on the verge of losing my marriage soon.

One Certain day, I decided to do a full and thorough clean-up of the house and that was when I discovered a folded paper in the inner pocket of my husband's old suit. I took it out and much to my chagrin realized that he had gone on a test without telling me and was diagnosed with low sperm count. so he was the one at fault all long and yet, People pointed fingers at me!

I stalked into the sitting room to confront him and he began to pleas and cry. He begged me not to divorce him and he didn't tell me before we married because he was afraid to lose me and he's yet to understand what's wrong with him coz he knows himself but for the past few years ,he's been battling on it secretly and looking for solutions yet I suffered accusations upon accusations while my husband who was the real culprit remained unscathed.

I wanted to scream! why would he leave me in the dark for so long and let me go through emotional torture on a matter that I was innocent about? He told me that if I left him and even he remarried and still could not get his other wife pregnant, people would surely get to find out the fault was from his side in the first place and he didn't want to become a laughing object. Fuming! , I sat down and he came to me and told me he wanted to ask me for a favor and that he would have asked a long time ago but he didn't know how to present it And then my husband said that I could go and get pregnant and he would happily father the child. I was stunned but seeing the look on my face, he added, perhaps trying to tempt me. I know you still have little feelings for your Ex, if it has to be him, I wouldn't mind, just don't tell when you eventually sleep with him, all I need to know is when you conceive.

I couldn't believe my ears. To say that I was shocked was an understatement "I will never do such a thing! I Snapped back.

He remained pensively quiet for a while then asked "What about Ben "?

I gave him a Stern look "What about him? I asked. Ben was his best friend." Do you ......um.........he cleared his throat "um..... Do it with him? He stammered. I trust him more and his health status is sound.

What! I flared up, joining up to my feet "you're asking me to sleep with your best friend to get pregnant?

He slowly rose with a guilty look, I know you'd very much like we to adopt but giving birth to a baby will convince people better. Nobody has to know. it will be secretly kept between the three of us, please Annabel " He implored.

" I can't do it and I won't do it," I said and stomped away.