"You get what? You get that I would just love to be able to tell you to please forget about me and to block me and get rid of me and that this is what I want as well? But that's not the fucking truth!" - Michael
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I could not believe that you can wake me up in my deepest slept. I sighed, I always thought I was over you but it seemed that I am not. Stupid it is, I could mock myself for these feelings all over again.
Funny and yeah--it's foolishness I know but when this kind of predicament came in a sudden situation then I hated to found myself getting off guard. I tried to ignore it, forced myself to go back to sleeping however 3 hours had passed I found myself spinning around in the comfy of my bed--can't sleep. " Oh, I hate my damn self--now!" I frowned.
I even distracted myself listening to the music on my playlist but sadly after all the songs are finished playing-- still, nothing happened. I let out a deep sighed, feeling helpless. I opened up my eyes--" Surely tomorrow I would be able to have a ton of eye bags because I only slept for what---1 or 2 hours?" after battling with the thought of forcing myself back to sleep as it seemed forever---in the end, I embraced my defeat.
I got out of bed feeling so exasperated about being weak. I don't deserve to felt this way... letting myself staying in this kind of situation is so absurd but on the contrary, I always felt that a part of me wants to linger in this anguished. Yeah, I know, I'm crazy and stupid and dumb.
But what can I do?
I can't help it...
Why is it so hard to let go and forget?
I even lost count on how many times I let out a deep sighed and trying to calm down myself especially the very part of me which is the most sensitive---my heart. All of a sudden---right at the corner of my bed.
I found myself clouded with a deep sadness. " I feel so lonely." I whispered. Pulling myself altogether. I give myself a hug--- "Everything's going to be ok".
But why I am crying so hard?