I couldn't. I stood in the same spot, staring at him. Trying to gather my thoughts and also to explain myself. But the problem wasn't how to explain, it was that there was nothing to explain because I didn't know how it happened.
The message was sent at 2:11 am. I knew exactly where I was at that time, I wasn't on my phone. By the time my night shift ended, I couldn't stop thinking about it.
The worst part about working the night shift at the hospital was the quiet.
I leaned against the desk at the nurses' station, staring at a blank computer screen. My eyes burned because I hadn't slept in days.
"You're doing it again," Amy said, dropping a stack of folders onto the desk right next to me.
I didn't look up. "Doing what?"
"Staring into space," she said, pulling up a chair to sit next to me.
"I heard about David. I'm really sorry, Maya."
I sat up. The breakup happened earlier this evening, and it still didn't make any sense to me.
"He thinks I was the one who ended it," I whispered, turning to look at her.
"He said I sent him a long text telling him to pack his things and leave. But Amy, I never wrote it. I didn't send anything."
Amy frowned and looked closely at my face.
"What do you mean you didn't write it?"
"David showed me the message earlier. It came from your phone number, Maya."
"I know," I said, my voice shaking.
"But I don't remember doing it. I remember going to sleep, and I remember waking up to him blocking me. It feels like I'm losing hours of my life."
"Maya, that's not normal," Amy said quietly, putting a hand on my arm.
"You look exhausted. You need real sleep. You're starting to get confused."
Before I could answer, I heard footsteps approaching the desk.
"Nurse Lawson," Dr. Jason Finn said.
His voice was deep and formal whenever we were out in the open. He looked neat in his blue scrubs, but his eyes looked tired and restless.
"Yes, Dr. Jason?" I asked.
"I need you to look over some files in my office," he said.
"Right now, please."
Amy didn't say a word, but I could feel her watching me as I stood up and followed him down the hall.
The walk to his office was short, but I was nervous.
The hospital rules had very strict rules about doctors and nurses dating.
If anyone found out about us, he could lose his job and I could be fired.
It was a massive risk, a total secret we kept hidden behind closed doors.
The moment the heavy office door clicked shut behind us, the professional act stopped. Jason turned around right away.
He grabbed my wrist gently and pulled me into the dark corner behind his bookshelf, away from the window.
"You're shaking," he whispered, leaning his forehead against mine.
"I'm just tired," I lied, looking up at him.
"It's more than that, Maya," Jason said, his thumb brushing over my hand.
"You've been restless all night. Talk to me. What's wrong?"
"My life is a mess," I whispered, pulling my hand back.
"My breakup with David was so weird. And I can't focus right now. Amy is already watching us. If someone walks in,"
A sharp knock on the door cut me off.
We jumped apart instantly. Jason cleared his throat and stepped back to his desk, picking up a pen.
I rubbed my palms against my pants, trying to calm my nerves.
"Come in," Jason called out.
The door opened, and Amy stood there. She looked back and forth between my face and Jason's.
A small smile appeared on her lips.
"Sorry to interrupt," Amy said.
"But Maya's ride is outside. Your shift is over."
I didn't look at Jason as I hurried out of the room. The fear made my stomach ache.
I grabbed my coat and took the elevator down to the lobby.
The main lobby was completely empty. Through the front glass doors, I could see the dark parking lot.
The air was freezing, and the wind was blowing hard, but my eyes went straight to the black car waiting by the entrance.
Adrian was already standing outside the car, holding my bag and my folders. The moment he saw me, he gave me a warm smile. He had always smiled at me like that since we were kids.
"You're five minutes late," Adrian said as I walked up.
I stopped walking and looked at the bag in his hands. I felt weird. "Adrian, how did you get my bag? I left it inside my locker. It was locked."
His smile didn't change at all. "You left your keys on the table yesterday after your shift, Maya. I noticed them when I dropped off your lunch. I just used the spare key to grab your things so you wouldn't have to walk back upstairs. I was just trying to help."
I stared at him, trying to remember. Had I really left my keys on the table? I usually kept them on my belt. But looking at his eyes, I figured he must be right. Lately, it felt like I was forgetting everything.
"Right," I said, letting him open the car door for me. "Thanks."
"You skipped lunch, didn't you?" he asked as he got into the driver's seat and turned on the AC.
"Actually I ate." I answered smiling.
He laughed and put the car in drive. "Aw, I'm losing my detective skills. I'm impressed you ate."
I turned and stared out the window at the buildings fading away as we went by. Adrian was always making lucky guesses. He knew when I skipped meals, he knew when I couldn't sleep, and he always showed up right before I felt like crying. I used to think it was nice to have a best friend who cared so much.
Tonight, it just made my skin crawl. Suddenly, my phone buzzed in my lap, the bright screen lighting up the dark car.
My heart sank when I saw David's name.
"Stop lying to me, Maya."
"I know it was you. Just admit it."
With shaking fingers, I unlocked the phone and opened our texts. I read the last message and gasped.
There, sent from my number at exactly 2:11 AM, the exact time I was standing in the corner of Jason's office, was a text message.
"Don't ever call me again. I hate you."
I stared at the words, completely terrified. I hadn't touched my phone all night. It had been inside my pocket the whole time I was with Jason. Nobody else had been near me.
"Everything okay?" Adrian asked.
His voice brought me back into reality. I hadn't noticed him leaning over toward my side of the car, trying to look at the screen.
I quickly locked the phone and hid it in my coat pocket.
"Yeah," I said. "Everything is fine. Just a spam text."
"Good," Adrian whispered, looking back at the dark road ahead. He reached over and gently touched my knee.
"You don't need any more distractions, Maya. People out there just break your heart. Let's get you home."
Adrian dropped me off at home and drove off. I stayed up for about two more hours before finally going upstairs to sleep. I tried to watch a movie but my mind was still on the message that David sent me. Every one of my relationships over the past years have been ending the same way. I felt like someone was constantly intruding into my life but that didn't make sense either because who could it possibly be?