o our mornings. I was just placing a cup of coffee on his desk, a sm
e invited to the Christening of Leo Thomas." Our last nam
to the church, hidden in the shadows, and saw him holding a baby, a little boy with his dark ha
. I remembered him refusing to have a baby with me, citing work press
for him. How could I
ogram I had deferred for him. "I' d like to accept the fellows
pte
and was in the shower, the sound of water drumming against glass a familiar rhythm to our mornings. I was just
he words before
to the Christeni
me. Leo Thomas.
on vanished. A flicker, and it was gone.
land. The name was vaguely familiar, a social media influencer whose perfectly c
h. It wasn't just a random email. It was an inv
ch downtown, the time
nothing. To go back to the perfect illusion I had so carefully b
, more insistent part, kne
t of our pristine, minimalist home, the hom
ained-glass windows. I stood in the back, hidden in the
en I s
arp business suits, but in soft, casual clothes. He looked relaxed, hap
milio' s dark hair
and giggled, reaching a tiny h
like you, Daddy," a woman' s vo
aist. She leaned her head on his shoulder, a picture of domestic bliss
a family. A perfe
like I was floating outside my own body. I watched as Emilio kissed Hayden' s forehead
it. The woman, the b
ple who had been to our home for dinner parties. They smiled at the happy couple
there, to scream, to shatter their perfect moment. The fi
doors and back into the noise of the city. The sounds wer
tion from a few months
oice soft. "I think I' m r
ning a hand through his hair. A gesture I
ny is at a critical stage. Just give me another ye
ued me relentlessly in college, the only one who c
top of our architecture program. He was br
lled all-nighters in the studio, his hand gentl
barely stand. He stayed by my hospital bed for thre
room, his voice cracking with a v
red, his forehead pressed against mine.
d in a hospital just like that one.
he became the man everyone wanted to be. I built my own career, but I
time, he had
lieved was reserved only for
im. I stared at his name on the screen
ice was warm, the same lovin
faint sound of a baby crying, then
hing him through the open doors. He was holding
managed to say, my own voice
e meeting," he said smoothly.
out him. A tear finally broke free and slid down my cheek, hot against my cold skin. All tho
I have bee
at, forcing my voice to be stea
s smile faltering for just a second. "I' m still i
N
eo, toddled over and wrapped
the child
ying to shush the boy while keeping his voice low and cal
dead. He had
s cheek and whispering something that made the child gigg
leaving nothing but a hollow, aching void. Y
moving on their own. I didn't call Ayla,
ious, six-month program I had been accepted to but deferred for Emilio.
ship," I said, my voice eerily