fed it deep into my drawer.

ee competitions. I was

ed to

few weeks, I had a

r break me or finall

ce Enc

gger than the last. More sponsor

o let the p

dn't let anyone m

t the practice hall early, deter

's when

m S

uscle. Tousl

e stood near the entrance, hands tucked into

have ig

out his gaze mad

ing too hard,"

ed. "Ex

nce is too stiff. You're thinking t

n my chest. Wh

ven know me,

don't have to

ts. "Are you a ju

e. Just someone who kno

? And what makes

ust say I know a thing or tw

eath

w exactly what had happened to

e turned and walked away,

wa

like he wasn't a st

ailure, A

contest w

etition was fierce, and I gave it everything. M

d

st.

's name was announced

ed to

r

giv

lways one s

exited the stage, forcing

en I saw

i

s crossed, watching me like he

ok surprised,

d. "Becaus

fists. "You think I'm

I think you haven't s

is words sent a s

sk him what he meant

inal

want to t

ve losses, my heart

n I re

. The sacrifices.

who had tried

t that note

wanted m

ected me

o give them tha

for my fifth

trained sma

ion day arrived, I fe

ss. A ce

I wouldn't

's W

he final contest, I

he wasn't

id, voice low

hat are you t

n't know who you pissed off, b

mach d

ou know?"

, "Just... wa

ike before h

contest wa

es to learn harder to understand

epped onto the

sh

po

ame girl who h

afraid

judges spoke. I didn't

e, I wasn't compe

peting fo

announcement came

h

thing I h

nner is...

nt, I coul

ization hit m

wo

after so many y

d me, but all I could he

rown as they pla

years, I felt unstoppable, like

returned to my hotel room,

nd collapsed onto the bed, exha

en my pho

ess

unknow

d before o

was no

an

illance pho

ckstage at

terrifyi

n't a

figure in

hing

never no

eath

s watc

rtantly what

ptured the moment after my second beauty contest loss, my face streaked with tears, my shoulders slumped in utter

mented my failures, my struggles, my lowest moments. Who h

ble. I clenched my jaw. Someone was playing a game with me, and I had no idea what the rules were. I c

d have d