a

irst spot I can think of: under the bed. In retrospect, this definitely wasn't a very original hiding spot nor was it a pa

ows louder, then the sound becomes more distant as it flies away.

na

d when she tried to pronounce Anastasia. It sort of stuck. I'd been spelling it Tasia at first, but soon discovered I could use the more

swer the door. If Ryan notices my exceptionally di

er. Ryan's calm demeanor is reassuring, but I'm still

s simply. "I'm going to br

feeling relie

or oversized men's clothing, wearing fresh, well-fitting clothes is wonderful. I smile at Ryan, who has retrieved the pair of boot

right words. My clothes? The books? These

? Letting m

hoping he understands ho

e and sets the boo

em on,"

sant trip to the porch, I haven't left the safety of

he says, headi

outside gave me. In addition to that, open spaces make me feel nervous. This began after the first a

..." I trail

s around

o help me unload the crates.

f running terrorized through a forest. Ryan turns to look at me when he hears my footsteps stop.

age-like structure freestanding from the cabin with an ATV parked inside. A woodpile is stacked along the cabin wall just off the porch. The large wooden crate rests where the helicopter must have deposited it in the middle of the clearing. Ryan has already pried it open with a crowbar. My gaze shifts b

g is coming so fast, I can't seem to stop gasping for air. I feel like I'm dying, like I'm going to pas

K, Ana. L

e eye behind the mask. His ha

he takes a slow breath, "and out." He continues to breathe slowly, his blue eye locked on

been having panic

at th

says, his voice quiet and gentle. "Though it's be

from my shoulders. He turns to look back out the open door,

rch and you can take it inside.

n, feeling my face

ow, OK? If you need anything, ju

I wh

l for a few moments, watching me. I feel the

athered on the porch near the door. I inch towards it and manage to gather all of the things without actually setting foot outsi

m that in addition to whatever ailment causes him to conceal the skin of his right arm and hand, he also sustained some sort of debilitating damage to the limb. He rarely carries any weight with it. When h

fficulty setting boxes down without dropping them, so I gather up my courage as he approaches with the next box and meet h

identified as mine while he sorts through the food and other items he normally receives in thes

ay, waving it at him before setting it

matter?" he asks, soundi

otice Ryan standing across the table from me. I look up to see him holding a rifle. It's not the one I usually see him carrying around. It's a little s

for me?

es

ly losing interest

hot because someone's being stupid and didn't know the gun was loaded. The second is that you never point it at someone you don't intend to shoot.

supposed to know what kind of gun that is, which I don't. He also demonstrates and explains how to clean it, how to disassemble the gun, and how to pu

apart,"

n into a few parts, so

back t

help, I reas

ga

n return. The focused look in his eye suggests he's not. He moves the rifle to the side and pulls out

my Bere

ry well acquainted with it. Maybe he is. It al

take that one apart?" I

to fire your pistol, you can try it if you

stol?"

nother gun o

eneration fi

a lot like the service weapons used in TV shows. It a

e," Ryan says, his hand mov

etually-gloved right hand resting on the weapon in my grip,

u do have to

gun in Ryan's hand, this on

hese coming from?"

11 Colt are new. I've had my rifle

ot a great idea to bring up Afghanistan all the time. I woul

army. The US military does not allow servicemen or women to keep their service weapons after being discharg

he explains the operation and cleaning of the gun, completely breaks it

s. Putting it back together takes much longer and requires much more of Ryan's sparing assistance. When the weapon is at last back in one pi

have to do

in the process

le the gun for the third time

you going to m

eretta and stripping it and rebuilding it faster than I tho

ask, my voice incredulous

ctice. Speaking of practice," he says,

doing all of

"If your gun jams in a high-stress situation, you should know how to fi

ee guns? You already have two.

classic," he says, but I'm not foo

ou buy ME

ing with the Win

rly not a hunting weapon,

ns back in the chair. I wait. At last he s

the hel

hrob and my hands start to shake. I can tell by the tone of his