a

I remember my last experience leaving the cabin. I haven't gone outside since that

I want to show you h

f this makes him more likely to let me kee

let you hold o

, remember his earlier reason

osin Nagant. It's Russian. They were designed over a century ago and were

ty, and how to fire it. He makes me repeat everythin

don't immediately take them, h

he heavy firearm and try to aim it. He tries to give instructions on how to hold it

ides mine to the correct placement. "Put your fingers like this," he says, his voice next to my ear. "Hold your right arm like this,

ing to hu

surprised how close his face is to mine. His arms drop from arou

, the gun in my arms leaps back at me, an ear-shattering explosion breaks the

and stare at the tree I just shot. Bark is missing and the bullet has buried

t round," Ryan s

t. The second shot is as astounding as the first. So is the third. Something

de, and in the exceedingly rare case that someone does show up and k

cabin is beyond me. I consider asking him why he's changed his mind on

shing rod behind. Without the gun or the rod, what is he doing

want. I add a few things to the bottom of the list just to be funny, including a private jet , the island of Maui, and a

seems on edge. He paces the living room for a few minutes before sitt

bothering you?

oks at me. "Wha

o wear a groove

to the couch. He stil

d this one?"

nto

es

ou lik

shr

en the m

N

mov

N

. I look down at the book,

favorite ice

d I see his eyebr

te ice

as he thinks. "Fudge

sed as a man can with only one eye visible. I retrieve my list and

" I say. "Though fudg

ing for something else to ask,

been sitting on the coffee table since I finished rea

ppose that

ed to mean?" he asks

at one, however," I say, pointing at the book sitting on

oes too. I get the feeling he's not in the mood to

food?" I ask, backpe

rs. I add "ingredients

e stranded on a desert island, what

the Harry Potter books, which were quickly added to the list, that he doesn't like watching TV, that he didn't go to college, but joined the army short

s a bit strained, but I think that might just be another symptom of the same problem that causes his voice to sound a little raspy. I wish he weren't wearing the mask so I could see him smile. The look in his clear blue eye as he laughed made me wish I could see the rest of his fac

y returns to the list. He stares at it fixedly. I can tell by his stone still gaze that he's not actuall

~

the ground surrounded in blood. I scream. A laugh sounds behind me. I turn and see no one. The laugh comes from

fore he killed her. He smiles wickedly at me and raises his gun, the gun he used to kill

d find you.

ain and pull

na

cheeks. Hearing the name only my mother called me makes m

á?"

, it's m

mask at my side. I remem

? You were

am still gripping me. I feel the bed shift as R

pers in my ear. "It was jus

He continues to hold me a

just a dream. You're OK. You're s

r my subsiding sobs. When I can speak ag

ke up and forget I left. Sometimes I think I'm

sn't f

that if I had a nightmare, I should wait for ten minutes. If I was still scared, then I could co

hter. "I'm here," he sa

" I say int

elids begin to feel heavy a

to go back to s

hink

t to leave the room w

ya

ops.

, just until I

ir from the living room

mage of the man holding the gun pop

you do?

ha

ares. What do you do

guns or read or do chores. So

f my family bleeding into the living roo

watched someo

for a long m

y die and knew that I was next. I remember the terro

g to die? Like you knew, you knew ,

es

Afghanistan

, it

you kee

We always had each other's backs.

ppened t

st kept coming out of nowhere. Then Jeremy stepped on that bomb. I don

ugh better than anyone else I've ever known

didn't die,"

," he says. "I won't let anyone

finally start drifting off into