The Adventures of a Modest Man

ld man!"

it flattered me; at thirty, it was all right; at forty

feel that way," he

last a German phrase. I am

e got ahead of my story, partly, perhaps,

visit abroad, after twenty years, was due to a pig. So n

show; why, I don't know, except that my neighbo

t club and the traditions of a by-gone generation

recently. So was the pig. You see, I can never get away from that pig, although-but the p

modified by Louis XVI and traces of Bavarian baroque. And his sq

ght him. My men built him a chaste bower

contemplate him while m

n saluted me so suspiciously at the cou

d down to our morning

e in nowise remarkable. Why the d

do I

suggested that I bu

hether yo

u think me weak-minded enough

he said calmly, pushing the kin

at?" I

dn't really

the

act

took a pawn with sat

y do you suppose I

nn

buy pigs to esc

rut; you're gone stale. Year in, year out, you do the same things in the same way, rise at the same time, retire at the same hour, see the

an to say

n a Long Island community could escape it. What you need i

oided Paris," I said, restlessl

been there in

N

hy

to avoid meeting the

tinue to take root in Long Island." He announced mate in two moves. After I h

at you've already gone too stal

ntimacy scarcel

no longer competent to look after my own affairs,

. "Suppose somebody stole

coul

did, under y

ard, due to any negligence or stupidity of mine, I'll adm

r a jolly little jaunt if anything

do you want me

od, intell

I got

at pig away from me, I'll do anything

or me to translate. It's a foolish way to talk a foreign l

y. It's a phrase one can use in reply to any remark

sked me for a job. Instantly it occurred to me to hire him as night watchman for the pig. He had excellent references, and his countenance

"will hold Van Di

e in years-not since I was a freshman at Harvard: I sat up with my pipe and an unexpurged

ody was tapping at the front door. I put on a dressing-gown and slippe

, raised it gently and looked out.

ess I'll have to ask for help. I'm on my way to marke

ispered; "I'

ng an empty crate. Near it moved the farmer, and just beyond his outstretched hands sported a playful pig. He was a black pig. Mine was white. Bes

the world was so utterly hopeless to pu

d sorter spread out your skirts, I'll git

farmer approached; the pi

aimed the prot

eized him and bore him, shrieking, to the wooden crate in the wagon, there depositing

warmed by brotherly love and a knowledge of my own condescension, I retired

r as I returned from the bath to submit my chin to

eheld me pursuing that midnight porker? An

sir? Why, t

tand you, Higgin

iss Alida asked me to t

I repeated

hy-our

are at him. "M

-he's gon

" I th

out o' the p

stare at Higgins. Stol

sir; and the pig he bolted. It takes a handy thief to stop and s

uffian I hired to watch t

. His hands was all over black paint, and I see h

there in front of my own house, too stupid to suspect, too stupid even to recognize my own pig in the disguised and capricious porker shying and cara

sufficient composure to sit still. And, Higgins, it is not at all necessary for you to refer to

n communication w

Alida, aged eighteen, and my daughter Dulcima, aged nineteen, th

self disposed of him"-whi

" asked Dulcim

These grape-frui

m away?" inq

s the same coffee we have be

him to?" persisted

-m

at

you know

ut

"It is a subject too

dy discusses everything in Oyster

pig!" bro

to whom you

eading mildness, "how woul

pap

ou, Du

ing p

" crie

replied with

hey cried in rapture

both that if either of you ever again ask me one question concerning that pig-nay, if you so much

reat Cunard Line, with my daughter Dulcima on one side and my daughter Alida on the other side of me, and my ol

on voyage!" he

tesse," I muttere

reply to make, p

age is to know when to use its idioms." They both looked

s the towering black sides of the st

nd answered: "à bien-t?t? C'est la mort, jusqu

hman when you talk French," I observed to Alida.

dmitted, with

here was a mischievous

"Van Dieman is fo

d the distant pier which we had left. It was still black with people, moving like ants. And, as I looke

d a tear in one of her brown eyes. "There

below; in a few more minutes the remainder of the passengers went below; and I was on

running down a toboggan slide, taking little timorous steps. Then the deck flew up and caught the

in it. There's nothing in anything," I muttered faintly. And I was