: A

a hospital corrido

place made me feel trapped. I couldn't see Lana. I couldn't reach her. I couldn't do a

he corridor to the other,

aked against the

perating theatre and st

Lana.

one she'd borrowed that morning. She'd pulled it on without thinking anyt

stop seeing it

y palms aga

as my

I'd ended things sooner, perhaps Cindy would never have reached this point. If I'd recog

I ha

nship was enough. I'd thought that once I wa

een w

g and stared at

essional ice hockey for a living. Every match demanded quick judgement, eve

, I'd allowed things to deteriorate until

as pay

st time I'd met her

he noise that followed me everywhere. Fans, interviews, sponsors, people who wanted a photograph or a

ad appeared

truggled to decide what I wanted, and moved on

adn't asked about hockey. She had

d that r

d gon

ore I'd even reached the bar. By the third visit, I

nt that made me fall for her.

laugh at herself without needing anyone's approval. The way she listened when I tal

ce needed analysing. I wasn't half of a celebrity

just

ay, that had become the p

red my

theatre doors

an update, but it was a message from my manager asking whe

before switchin

he club could wait. The

ed if Lana did

sounded

le

pale with worry. She reached me and caught my arms, sear

happ

ak, but my thr

Where's

towards t

s in

t happene

unable to meet

to the house

le went

? She ha

odd

ried to stop her, G

ice b

om her, but it went off. Lana f

htened her gr

ana a

into surgery. Nobody h

the bathroom until my skin felt raw, but I cou

ispered. "I was right ther

pulled me

n I clutched her as though she were the only solid th

ur fault," s

lled

t say

le

ccept the breakup. I knew how she could

at doesn't mean you could predict

have done

ed to st

ast en

oed through

ed my head, ashamed of losing contr

d until I looke

chose to bring that gun. She chose to threaten

ted to accept that there were t

falling, I found another decisi

can think a

kno

he doesn't

e's face

to happen yet. The doctors

the answer offere

es' station. Someone called her na

ient," she said. "I'll co

hand before s

. If you hea

find

my fingers an

umed

and f

and f

ry time footsteps approached, I looked up, hoping

th

ht me a cup of water. I than

ut the future Lana

gument we'd had about where to put the sofa. She'd insisted that the living room needed eno

d about it

dinary

how much I'd come

e had passed since they'd taken Lana through those do

dn't concentrate. I couldn't

e worst and beg the universe

Gabrielle

asn't

d. His expression was serious, and my heart be

hat the chair scrape

cto

ed in fr

Merc

How is

brielle before t

have some di

ach tig