r villain and the daughter of the local chemist, a singularly noble

und of improbability. "What in thunder w

ightly in the meanest villain's breast as

, "or are you supposed to be discussing the matter seriously? What

himself. She is beautiful (if she's not beautiful enough, we can tou

re natural if everybody wonders what on earth could

r words on me, but tur

eized with a burning desire to marry

ho always carried Browning's poems about with him in his pocket to study in the train. I have known a Harley Street doctor to develop at forty-eight a sudden and overmastering passion for switchbacks, and to spend every hour he could spare from his practice at one or other of the exhibitions, having three-pen'orth

elate the case to

fairly entitled to his position of favourite author to the cultured clerk; and Carlyle he regarded as the exponent of the earnest artisan. Living authors he never read, but this did not prevent his criticising them contemptuously. The only inhabitants of the nineteenth century that he ever praised were a few obscure French novelists, of whom nobody but himself had ever heard. H

ected him. One felt grateful to him f

sea-front in the evening, I suddenly found myself confronted by four remarkably choice specimens of the class. They were urging on their wild and erratic career arm-in-arm. The

ren they met to step into the roadway. I stood my ground on the kerb, and as they bru

irl they passed they yelled out, 'Oh, you little jam tart!' and every old lady they addres

le. Putting aside the time and the place, and forgetting his behaviour, his companions, and his instrument, what remained was sufficient to make the suggestion absurd. Joseph was always clean shaven; this youth had a smudgy moustache and a pair of incipient red whiskers. He was dressed in th

ace of Joseph; and, moved by a curiosity I cou

ng at the end of the pier, where it was less crowded, with his arm round a girl's waist. I crept close. She was a jolly, red-faced girl, good-looking enough, but c

e me, Joe?' I h

ewhat unconvincingly, '

fterwards, muttering some excuse, he rose and left her, and I followed him as h

question, 'wot 'a

s reply; 'she gives me the bloomi

se behind him. Now that he was alone I was determined to speak to him. The longer I had studie

gin, when I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned hi

he, I believe,' I

arsely; 'my name's Smith, I ain't no bloom

mistaking the ring, at all events: it had been passed round the club on more than one occasion as a unique curiosity. His e

member of that blessed old waxwork show in Saint James's: they'd never speak to me agen. And keep yer mug shut

he superior person. Here was 'Smith' in mortal terror lest his pals should hear of his identity with the aristocratic 'Smythe,' and d

to live two lives. 'Arf my time I'm a stu

e heard you express some extremely uncom

us rough on me. When I'm a toff I despises myself, 'cos I knows that underneath my sneer

character you prefer, a

g, but whichever I am, sure as fate, 'bout the

' I murmured; 'I should give

squeeze), 'and I shall feel myself gettin' scarlet all over. Then I shall jump out o' bed, and look at myself in the glass. "You howling little cad," I shall say to myself, "I have half a mind to strangle you"; and I shall shave myself, and put on a quiet blue serge suit and a bowler 'at, tell my landlady to keep my ro

your absence to bot

ls my 'ousekeeper at the Halbany as I'm goin' on the

ch an out-and-outer. When I'm an 'Arry, I'm too much of an 'Arry, and when I'm a prig, I'm a reg'lar fust prize prig. S

' he said, casting aside his momentary gloom; 'it's all a

him playing sentimental airs t

ed the name of 'Mr. Joseph Smythe.' I requested her to show him up. He entered with his usu

girl had closed the door behind

face. 'You have not mentioned it

ied; 'though I confess I

ible affinity there can be between myself and that disgusting little snob passes my comprehension. I assure you, my dear Mac, the knowledge that I was a ghoul, or a vam

iving his strongly-suppressed emotion. 'You didn't come

ed with him. That is really my excuse for inflicting the subject upon yo

st interested.' As he still hesitated

he faintest suspicion of pink crossed his usually colourless face; 'but I fe

to hear it.' (I thought it might mak

n her,' he replied; 'she was with me on th

iza!' I

'Miss Elizabeth Muggins.' He

ronounced-you seemed to positively dislike her. Indeed, I gathered from y

wling little blackguard be of a woman's worth! The disl

I said; 'but she struc

opinion of the world is not such as to render its opinion of much value to me. I and the world d

y, affectionate; but have you considered, Smythe, whether she is

e no doubt that the amount of intellect absolutely necessary to the formation of a British home, I shall be able to supply myself. I h

ection must appear extraordinary. I do not pretend to explain it, or even to understand it. The study of mankind is beyond man. Only fools attempt it. Maybe it is her contrast to myself that attracts me. Maybe my, perhaps, too spiritual nature feel

ship with her, then, after you'-I was going to say 'after you ceased to be Smith,' but not wishing to agita

ss her in an aerated bread shop. I had gone in to get a glass of milk and a bun, and she brought them to me. I recognised her in a moment

on the subject,' I said, laughing; 'her f

at all. Indeed, she positively refuses me. She says-to put it in the dear child's own racy language-that she wouldn't take me on at an

idea occurs to me. Does she kn

worlds. Only yesterday she told me that I reminded her of a

k when she told y

?' he repeated, no

at that moment?' I said-

ome to think of it, she did s

by Smythe. As your present self you will never win her. In a few weeks' time, however, you will be Smith. Leave the mat

ht of that. The truth is, when I am in my right senses, Smith and all his affair

' he said; 'your suggestion has almost reconciled me to my miser

me how you get on. Another man's love affairs are not usually absorbing, but

month. Then, late one evening, the servant knocked

ated; 'what Smith? didn

have a card. He's not a gentleman, sir; but he says you'll know hi

the recollection of Smythe's other self flashed

I think he must have designed it himself. He looked hot and greasy. He did not offer to shake hands, but sat d

f. I could not think what to say, and

oremost into the matter, according to the

he replied, keeping hi

done it?' I

' he asked,

ried

returning to the con

fused you th

rst 'er,' h

his own accord. I had to put the conversa

don't you think she ca

e 'aving an Alcock's porous plaster mashed on yer, blowed if it ain't. There's no

c about her a month ago!'

ting for that ninny, 'is 'ead's full of starch. Anyhow,

t do yer no good. A man wants a wife as 'e can respect-some one as is a cut above 'imself, as will raise 'im u

met the lady,' I rema

he pattern of the carpet. But the next moment he looke

ynbee 'All. There was a party of toffs there all together. You would 'ave enjoyed it, Mr. MacShaughnassy, if you could 'ave 'eard 'er; she was makin' fun of the pictures and the people round about to 'er pa-such wit, such lea

not feel inclined to laugh at him. 'D

" to the coachman, and I ran after the carriage all the w

tall, dark girl, with untid

reach 'er lips to kiss 'em, and heyes, light blue, like a C

oming complicated. You've met the lady and talked to

carn't say I do; I never can remember much about

oduced you to her myself, and she confided to me af

ntly softening in his feelings to

answered, 'I don't think you d

then he said aloud: 'D'yer think I shall get a ch

up and looking on the mantelpiece, 'I've got a card for a Cinderella at their pla

ied; 'oh, yas-bou

'll call round for you at the

ever looked for'ard to bein' that hanimated corpse, Smythe,' he said

'And,' I added, as I stood up to ring the bell, 'you're sure it

he same breath with Hedith,' he r

hard at his hat, he said, 'I'm goin' to 'Arley Street now. I walk up and down outside the 'ouse e

d, and I retur

d he with difficulty recalled it, and consented, without any enthusiasm, to accompany me. By a few artful hints to her mother (including a casual mention of his income), I manoeuvred

in coming, I hint

hink I managed that v

t very clever

er for such a long time in the conservatory,' I

t,' he replied; 'I've b

of the pavement, and faced him

n earth is there in her to love? She's nothing but a bad tran

a month ago,' I said, 'raving over her, and talking abou

for that detestable little cad with whom I have the misfortune to be connected. You would greatly oblige

his ideal. She is exactly the type of woman, I should say, to charm that ty

ne, 'you know my feelings. I shall never

she?'

, 'is breaking he

tell her you are

ot even to win her. Besides

afternoon late in the following March, when I ran against him in Ludgate Circus. He w

are you?

Half an hour ago I was Smythe, half an hour hence I

ice, and a genial, kindly light in his eyes,

an improvement upon

e shadow of sadness dashed across it. '

somewhat surpris

ross I begin to feel my blood stir in my veins. From Ludgate Circus to Cheapside I am a human thing with human feeling throbbing in my heart, and human thought throbbing in my brain-with fancies, sympathies, and ho

e Circus,' I said, 'and

, 'man is a pendulum, a

prove him. All my life I have sought to make myself an unnaturally superior person. Nature has retaliated by making me also an unnaturally inferior person. Nature abhors lopsidedness. She turns out m

for a while without speaking. At last, feeling curious on the s

for me. I am not saying it boastfully. Heaven knows it is an added draught of misery in my cup; but it is a fact that Eliza is literally pining away for me as Smith, and-as Smith I find it impossible to be even civil

nd did not come out of them till we were crossing the Mi

must be medium girls that both Smith and Smythe c

e more trouble than they're worth. Those yer want ye

s slouching along with his hands in his

I must go now,' I said, stopping

to be rid of him. 'Oh, must yer,' he sai

appeared in the crowd, and that is

*

rue story?"

dates," said MacShaughnassy; "but