rience taught me thr

as were in

in front of twenty people

I still wan

iation had no eff

encounter with a real camera, even if my brain had abandoned me a

at was what

o do the role

my body had

ed I was ready for my

asn

has never req

ee hours ge

e ho

at would probably

my outfit

ca

fo

colo

bo

other made me look like I was attending a business meeting, and the third made me won

nt of the mirror wearing t

ed at

have just

ooked up fr

u that two

o discover

ook he

cour

I had prepared everything I thought I might need, including th

ence was justified

toward

do I

e going to

row

t very enc

accu

mil

me l

h you

e th

laug

ore she could sa

on was already crow

cro

e girls e

th friends, touching up their makeup, or reading through pages of dial

as practic

her for

completely

sked if sh

zed she was

O

I had spent the entire morning convincing myself I was ready, and now I was su

aware of every litt

itting

outfi

look n

oking nervous, which probably

der

ter, another gir

ooked

ked a

sm

t aud

odd

ou

N

si

oo

row

s that

ou still h

aug

sn't j

respond, someon

irl s

me l

d lu

lked i

s later, sh

ked dev

ed tow

did i

sked me

ka

ould

ka

laug

red a

tared

th burst o

think you're

ay

st

d lu

ank

. Perhaps I would cry. Perhaps I would laugh. Perhaps I would do something so emba

ot to think

, my brain ha

e was

mach f

st

k

was

yself that I had dreamed of moments like this for years.

e nervo

description of what w

d into

le sat beh

tood in fr

ed down at h

am

a Rus

ge

nsw

erie

aus

om

ing beside h

om

odd

es

t ki

ght ab

xperi

le

ly regrette

d I sa

that ev

e my words, and put them back into my m

an look

smiled

ka

the floor

did

universe wante

perform t

es

sition in front

e was em

that the man she lov

mp

ched enou

xactly w

, I thou

toward th

k a b

ned hea

ined b

mag

th

nt complet

ai

ting lines was bec

one second at a time. I knew the scene. I had read it.

ughts disappeared as though somebody had

rector

red a

ared

d at th

era sta

assumed it

n't ha

felt ju

ed this opportunity so badly, and now I was standing in front of three people

e another forgettable n

the line

ivere

ano

ano

some

rough th

tter, moments when I wasn't entirely sure what my face was doing, and moments whe

I fin

nobody spoke fo

there aw

looked a

ooked at

e looke

nk y

odd

nk y

lked

oor closed behin

surv

as som

sonably well. Not brilliantly, perhaps,

er was

did i

s ama

sed an

all

N

laug

got my

cour

recov

t's

probably

sm

oba

to that po

lling me that I had been selected, that the director had seen something speci

d how I w

I sc

d I

e calm before immedi

n't d

plenty of time to c

didn'

that

he ne

day af

ek p

th

we

l no

e we

le

, I receiv

d it ex

d the firs

for audi

ped re

eady

ect

ng for the words to change in

did

oked at m

el

igh

de a terrib

sm

you'd sa

have been

got your

kno

dramatically

y doesn't rec

're simply no

ted m

there

no

ented and still

t qu

was

ingly

ing it was

aming was

ally had to

d to go. I could love acting with everything in me and still have a lot to learn. I could be confid

ean I had to

t I had

again and looked at

delet

use I wa

wa

t one person's decision

st

ka

er look

y wh

to auditi

sm

oo

I'm not forget

uld be h

toward

sto

ned a

om

es

going to remind everyon

sm

mind the

aug

appeared i

but that rejection wou

would

ould a

make me que

earn something that no ac

asn't the end

time

e scene before t