again and pulled m

n't r

ollowed him out of the hospital room, my

ant to loo

n my parents' eyes or the satisfaction hi

n want to lo

afraid I might finally b

ht, as though something ins

t, and hurt swirling inside me that I

to let it

until there were no tears left, and finally a

coul

accepted that I had forgotten how to st

thing they had done to me, I

lence between Kieran a

n the road as he drove us home. His expression was u

he passenger seat, st

m where he had grabbed me earlier, b

inutes, neith

ting for him to say something. Anything that would re

remaine

I could no l

sh her," I s

that I wasn't even

ed again, forcing myself

y didn't

't look

breath before responding in

u can't stop yourself from get

me lift my he

im, my eyes widen

nd I knew he saw the anger tha

on. "I said I didn't push her. Why don't you believe me? I'm your fiancée,

w tigh

sn't make you right,

im, momentari

ted, especially coming from the

ng to let the conversation end without mak

terly. "Then when are y

silent for a

aking my head as the frustratio

asking what really happened before deciding that I'm guilty. You believ

y word, but underneath my anger

him to un

for special treatment. I simply wanted the sa

remaining steady. "I grew up with her. I've s

thing insid

him in disbelief. "We've been engaged for two years,

for him t

I wasn't the kind of person who

trusted me, even if he didn't fu

e let out a fr

his. The issue is over sinc

linking rapidly as I tried to

v

as over when I was the one being

ly accept everything and move

uld change the way you see me, is there?"

ightened on the

enough,

e, and I could tell he was st

other second before fi

ears gathering along my lower lashes. I pressed my l

ng to cry in

anym

ed myself enough by beg

fell

nger-side window, watching the buildings and passing veh

d been driving when we final

been living tog

us to spend more time together so we could get

nervous about

y imagined in my dreams. I thought it might give us the chance to grow closer,

d the same house, we sle

o intimacy

until less tha

Kieran cam

e care of him by myself. He could barely walk properly, so I

is breath smelled of alcohol, and how difficult it was

nded to help hi

s didn't

ring myself

old back, reminding myself we weren't marr

tually,

ngs for him

r two years, and I couldn't deny that a

et what happe

even

t I had hoped it would be, I still held on to

lly look at me with the same af

day, he would

him into the house, I couldn't help wondering

the house, I headed st

nted to be alone, away from everyone, where I could fin

ake the first step,

ad

nd slowly t

a brief moment, neithe

re was something in his eyes that I couldn't quite understand, somet

finall

om now on so there won'

red a

was

er all the accusations and the hurtful

ask if I

bing my arm or for refusing

her asking whether

enelope so that he wouldn't ha

of silence pas

eyes before s

ka

quiet, almost

the energy to

gaze lingering on my face as though he had n

e anything

forcing myself

ht I saw an unfamiliar emot

identify, but it made me feel as tho

ing for me to ask h

ed me to explai

ning things because I still w

eventually seemed

thi

another moment befor

king back, even though I could s

e last, but I kept moving unti

stood there for a moment, my han

t turn

't loo

w whether Kieran was still standing downstairs, wa

eginning to realize just how exhausting it was to k

was

ad to understand, the one who had to forgiv

n, convincing myself that his cold

silence pressing in around me, one painful

p loving a man who never se