a's

a single second

Whatever was in that hospital report wasn't something I was going to sit at home and stare at the ceiling over. I needed to hear it properly

exactly wh

embers coming and going, nurses cutting from one wing to the next with their arms full. I kept my hea

ike a woman who had everything under control. If Dr. Asher believed it, he was

his glasses carefully up the bridge of his nose. Then he smile

desk and held out an A4 sheet that had neatly prin

m him, and just star

before I could do anything about it. Wide, unguarded and completely beyond my control. And then the tears followed right behind,

ll smiles but then the tears wouldn't sto

he version that lands when you're sitting in the room with the paper right there in your hand and the person who confirmed it is looking at you from

Dr. Asher said

ch it, which probably looked ridiculous, but I couldn't help it.

where I kept hope stored like something too fragile to throw out. I knew it was fragile. I knew better tha

that couldn't quite stop itself from wondering. What if this was the thing that got through to him? News like this which is real, undeniable and already in motion, had a way of shifting th

t m

r exactly as long as it too

ard slightly in his chair. He clasped his hands together across the desk

the warmth in my che

cold tile under my palms. Him crouching down in front of me with his fingers pres

ldren. And I will never

it deliberately and slowly, looking straight at me like a man closing a door he had already made a final decision

t of me knew it too, even if i

s expression and smoothed my voice out fast. The last thing I needed was for him to leave this office carrying the wrong impression of what life looked like

r than felt comfortable, then nodded once. "

breath and looked back down

e when it eventually came - it could wait. Right now, in this office.with this paper still in m

efully and was about t

say to Dr. Asher, when the voice came from outside. It cut right throu

ed help! I n

body we

walls, the same rooms, the same silences. I knew how it sounded giving instructions at a clan gathering. I knew how it went flat and quiet when he had

carrying something that sounded dangerously close to real al

cie

e I had processed a single thin

I need help, I need a doctor' - are not used by one who is fine because t

ar, and I was already moving toward the door before D

ed and the rest of me was