Cole had planned this tandem skydive for our anniversary. He knew how terrified I was of heights, and to prove my love to him, I had spent the past few weeks doing desensitization exercises, trying hard to imagine the safety of him holding my hand.
When we arrived at the drop zone, the roar of the plane mingling with my fear and anticipation, Cole smiled and squeezed my hand.
"Ready to fly, babe?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with that thrilling light.
Before I could answer, a familiar voice drifted over from a distance. "Cole! You're here!" Giselle Han walked toward us. Her blonde hair gleamed in the sunlight, and wearing leggings and a loose hoodie, she somehow looked more ready to skydive than I did.
Cole's attention shifted instantly. "Giselle! I didn't expect you to come." He hugged her warmly. I felt the hug was a bit too intimate, but I forced myself to suppress my displeasure, telling myself they were just "best friends."
"Of course I came," Giselle mumbled, looking up at him with teary eyes. "It's just... everything has been so hard lately. I need a thrill to feel like I'm still alive." She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her hoodie.
A burly instructor walked over, holding two sets of harnesses. "Alright, who's up first? Are you two a couple?" he asked, pointing at Cole and me.
Cole took a step forward. "Actually," he said, casually resting his hand on Giselle's shoulder, "Giselle will go first in Cathy's place."
My breath hitched. I stared at him blankly.
"What?"
"Yeah, babe, Giselle has been really depressed lately, and she needs this thrill more right now. Just wait for the next flight, it'll only be a little while."
"But... Cole, this was meant for us. This is our anniversary."
He rolled his eyes. "Cathy, don't be so dramatic. It's just a skydive, there are plenty of other opportunities. Giselle is genuinely depressed, this is serious. You're just scared of heights."
He turned to Giselle, his voice softening. "Don't worry, I'll be right beside you the whole time. I'll make sure you have the best experience." Saying that, he began to help her adjust the harness.
The instructor looked at Cole, then at me, a complicated look flashing across his eyes, but he didn't say anything.
By this point, Cole's entire attention was on Giselle. He carefully checked her straps, his fingertips lingering on her arms, leaning in close to whisper something to her. Giselle offered a fragile smile, and he smoothly pulled her closer, patting her back.
The courage I had built up over the last few months turned entirely to ash. What paralyzed me in that moment was no longer my fear of heights, but the crystal-clear realization of my place in Cole's heart.
I pulled off my harness and handed it to the instructor.
"Give it to her," I said, my voice eerily calm. "I'm not jumping."
Cole finally looked up, his face full of annoyance. "Cathy, what are you doing? Waiting for the next flight isn't a big deal."
"It is a big deal." I looked at him, my tone firm. "It's always been a big deal. Enjoy your jump."
I turned and walked out of the airfield. At first, I walked slowly, counting down in my head, expecting him to chase after me and apologize. Ten, twenty... The roar of the plane's engine grew louder. I glanced back-Cole was still facing away from me, his hand on Giselle's shoulder as they laughed at something the instructor said.
My vision blurred. Cheers erupted in the distance, and a cold despair washed over me. I remembered years ago, when he held me as I trembled at a high altitude, saying, "Don't be afraid, I won't let you fall." But now, he was the one who had personally pushed me off the cliff.
Eventually, Cole caught up to me in the parking lot. His face was full of irritation, his hair messed up by the wind. Giselle hadn't followed; he must have just landed.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Cathy?" his tone was harsh, his face full of impatience. "You just walk away like that, what is this?"
I stopped and turned to face him. There were no more tears in my eyes, and my expression was completely flat. "I'm not throwing a tantrum. I'm just leaving."
"Leaving? Just because I let Giselle jump first? She was having a breakdown! She needed this! You're being totally irrational and way too emotional!" He threw his hands up dramatically. "It's not like you don't know her personality. Plus, she just went through a breakup, she's fragile."
"I know," I said quietly. "For eight years, you've been telling me how fragile she is. Nobody else matters; as long as it's poor Giselle, you have to be on call 24/7."
"She's my best friend, Cathy! Do you expect me to just leave her to die? A good friend is supposed to lend a hand when the other person is hurting!"
"And what about your girlfriend?" I stared straight at him. "I spent months trying to overcome a lifelong fear for our anniversary. What does that count for?"
He waved his hand angrily. "We can celebrate our anniversary anytime! Why do you have to make such a huge deal out of this? You are being so petty!"
The word "petty" stung. Over the years, the late-night phone calls from Giselle, the countless "emergencies," the canceled dates, her dirty clothes in our laundry basket, and her innocent little remarks like, "Cathy is so strong, not like me, I really need Cole."
I had been lying to myself, believing these were just temporary sacrifices.
Cole softened his voice and took a step closer. "If you feel neglected, I'm sorry. Let me take you to that Michelin-starred restaurant tonight? Just the two of us." He reached out to take my hand.
I pulled my hand back, having absolutely no desire to respond.
It was too late. I had finally seen through all of this completely!