a's

not s

stillness while approximately nine thousand things happen loudly inside my chest, and I stare at the cei

there has a poor return on investment an

a waiting room for people too rich to wait for anything. I put the kettle on and stand at the counter and

tst

o the coffee machine, which has his order memorized, pours a cup, and stands at the counter with his

wa

od at w

a divorc

. Flat. Premeditated. I stand at the counter with my tea in both

ibs. Right

he thro

," I

itioning of a man who prepared for seve

ll be in touc

in

ent is strai

m s

ars. The argument. The please don't. He finds n

ile you sort your things,

ous,"

nt door

os

cant conversation I have apparently had

own on the k

requires a cooperation my legs cannot spare and the floor

min

up and st

dismantling a life, which turns out to be less complicated than buildin

k of the closet, left on my side by accident months ago, and some

ece

s from being handled and returne

fold

w York City. Suite

om four months i

s, back Thursday. I remember eating dinner alone and telling myself the distance

t says thr

double o

back to packing because I am metho

bookshelf twent

n something slides out from betwee

otog

because someone wanted to remember the mo

ecause nobody is performing this for the camera. He is looking at her the way I have spent fourteen m

ck is two months b

next to t

h the shelf when I f

elected because their spines were the right color. A small velvet box, dark green

pen

Chosen with knowledge of t

ard tucked i

andwr

don't have to

d it

it

e three things on the nightstand like evidence at a trial nobody asked me to attend, and I feel so

ar

New York hotel suite with

s in a restaurant looking at her lik

rning, he bought her a bracelet with a card th

een the

hing she was wait

up my

need you

s. No preamble. No questions. Just I'm already getting my keys, an

at a pharmac

pa

te?" sh

se my

he photograph.

iced but it's

er end lasts exa

two pharmaci

nd go back

t door open for

m has forgot

because I am nothing if no

steps ar

More de

these f

st night on my

rn a

wide-leg trousers and the effortless morning beauty that requires three ho

k

used to let herself in on the morning of my di

is for considerably longer than this morning and smiles at me with the warm compassio

t wanted to

ok a

hree things on

back

you had a key t

rs between her perfectly shap

ong, T

ression of someone managing a diffic

" she says gently. "This is a hard day and I just wa

m is ve

," I repeat slowl

ene certainty of a weather forecast. "Liam and I are together now. And

ivil," I say, "I genui

ps together. Tries

t and kind and absolutely insufferable. "I think deep down

of my b

ind her eyes. Not h

ing to be mat

," I say.

tu

on har

nt

o

she leaves

ook at the space in the doorway where she was standing and I think about no hard feelings on her end and f

te everything,

The significantly l

er and then I wipe my fac

a swe

in the

ano

ng if not