ck

supposed to

s the p

head all damn day, circling around and around n

prac

cl

ice because I missed a route

a J

I wasn't Beckett Carter. Like I wasn't the guy everyone moved out

Ella didn'

ared into the background. They let the w

at she had

this m

though I wasn't thirsty. Sweat slid down the back of my neck, my shoulder pads felt too tigh

t was I sup

ve been an asshole to for years finally snapped

e

happ

e dist

nced

nder one arm, watching me with that stupid smi

ine,"

wo passes, almost let Rivers burn you, and Coach looked abo

d I'm

ght. Don't kill me because yo

him a

ecause Sean had no

Ella in that oversized sweater. Ella with her cheeks red and eyes bright, but not crying. Not backing down.

ty doesn't need a tea

've been

s pi

st

ne second-one stupid seco

d me more th

dn't smile a

hink about

re day replaying the way she soun

over later?

ned. "

like I was an id

ned around the

se he n

n't supposed to and missed eve

e," I

nto something shar

ably

she

n't a

wasn't my

he wasn'

ed that I kne

after dark. Their house was quiet most of the time. Too quiet. I knew that because my bedroom window faced par

g and slung it

eading

eath. "Yeah. Try not to g

off without

home was

. No one asking questions. No one expec

gave my thoughts r

and cut the engine, I was in an even

hands on the wheel, staring straight ah

ment caug

t d

l

anging off one shoulder, her sweater swallowing half of her li

to no

ying

about that

as ridi

bout this wa

remembered she had a spine. Now she was back to starin

n't l

n't like t

t in my world. That wasn'

igible. Friends who knew their place. Girls who understood what things w

s none

in a way I di

as old memories I didn't like thinking about. Bike tires on hot pavement. Side

got com

and slammed the door

he house

sn't h

prise

fridge and grabbing a bottle of water even though I'd already had one. I stood t

t tog

all I nee

gether an

later, I was still

ed when I'd reached towa

came bac

he in

allway go

h

like she expected

t the water bot

p tigh

feeling that cam

have a na

t, m

that e

t of it, I shoved off the cou

just ne

ig d

ears. More times when we were kids. Less now. Almost never, r

now I had

upid

st

t usually was. Their back door was unlocked too. That an

oor open and s

?" I c

ans

I considered t

movement in

to me, a glass of water in one hand. Her shoulders went tense before she

," I

water sloshed over

-Bec

ost s

mo

was un

iding whether throwing the glass

ould k

think it

w tigh

it was

ation she usually buried b

now I n

ved briefly toward the door like she was calculating how fast she could escap

ou want?"

sta

esit

he que

was n

st the doorway, trying to l

ed a

N

came so fas

even know w

't nee

r a second longer

mean

rting. She wasn't doing that thing girls som

es wante

ly, I'd ea

d. "This isn't about

change. "Everything wi

s not

ve me

i

it was

hated asking. Hated needing anything from anyo

had made

de dropped any lo

t scouts ask

s meant

ything I'd worked f

p with Engl

bli

er drained from her face an

icion rep

re jo

m n

help wit

ea

u came

ea

arrowed. "

answer fa

s answe

augh, but there was n

cour

ot like

xactly l

it is

e glass down carefully, "but you don't w

ded harder th

ause they

oked

or a s

he sa

rse sh

ession. Not surprise. Not eve

en something sh

what I t

. "I'll make it

es sha

re i

ha

ade the sleeves of her sweater fall over her hands.

not what

's what y

ed my

ng ca

I'd meant. Not in those ex

lose

her face told

being your secret cha

something unco

not what

d quietly. "Th

hen went

have an

ad too

rl nex

I used

everyone

I let the

s morning like she was finall

re answers I cou

he only thi

good at

ughed

ter s

ig

ser

se I read? Because people like me are supposed to be

That's not w

what peo

not p

yes f

ou're

shut

n a long time, I did

st part was, sh

been

ere cruel because

e

ew b

Ella before

oversized

he lower

e hallway

l gone alo

e me worse tha

her then. Re

t searching for something to pick

loo

strands loose around her face. Her cheeks were flushe

as a

ly, it su

ot averag

tared

e I'd said somet

bothe

lo

she beli

lieved she was

rt of that w

e for this," she

ough me before

vious

ng dr

at I pushed of

ll

t the sound

Ja

l

w why I said

ng by the way she slow

quieter this time. "I wou

d, she only

d that

ecide if there was any p

hat I wanted h

aid, "I'll th

sn't

't even

wasn'

eason, that fe

giving her space because sudde

ka

t say any

he door, but I could feel

sc

exac

a

ri

even c

o

wasn't th

back to my house, one thought

didn't fit

long in the l

anything I was

couldn't I sto