a

didn't

ed to drift, my mind snapped awake again, sharp and al

after they left. Too quiet. L

carelessly onto the nightstand. She hadn't cried when Evan and Vanessa walked out. She hadn

in pieces. Quiet ones. The

over again. Evan in my kitchen. Vanessa leaning against my counter. T

ooked. Not nervous. Not apologetic. Comfortable. Li

more than the

ed my arm around her automatically, pulling her closer, grounding myself in the weight of her. She

self a promis

I would not let Evan damage

ng came t

poured into the blue cup Lily liked best. My hands shook just

, swinging her legs

nally, her voice careful

eyes on the pa

y did he bri

"Sometimes adults

t. "Is that why he doe

nodded

f pancake. "I don't like wh

ither

nds resting uselessly in my lap. The building buzzed with noise. Kids laughing.

phone

Ev

me on the screen until

it buzz

didn't

rd time, it

alk. Last night

ut of

ound sharp and stran

t followed almo

didn't mean

back against the sea

didn't mean

your wife's home on your child's bir

the car and drove to work, my

el. I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror and barely recogni

, my phone

to me, Mara. I need

one lande

nward, gone quiet. It hurt because he said it so easily. Like my feelings were an i

eply. Deleted i

ing her aroun

sending them, then hit send bef

e dots a

yed there fo

n they

No r

d. She told me about her day, about Alex from class and how he didn't share his crayons, ab

o stories instead of one, and tucked h

you," she sa

e you too,

esitated.

"Y

oing to cry again

t tightened

atisfied, and rol

ned out before I went into the kitch

time, I

ressure release. Tears slid down my face and dripped onto

my face and

e was a knock

yone who knew me texted first. I glanced toward the hal

cked the

Ev

Al

he door but di

do you wan

inconvenienced him by making him s

've said

rough his hair. "You're making

tence did so

t settle, he

to decide what's ha

"M

ou don't parade her in front of our daughter.

anessa's not some fling.

trange, like looking at someone I used to know

p her out of

not going

't introduce her to women you're sleeping with. You don't co

n hardened. "She'

d you forgot that the

his mouth, t

, he had not

eave,"

then turned and wa

oor and locked it,

here on the floor, knees pulled to m

was my re

without remorse. A daughter watching everything I tr

going to protect Lily from the m

ver came next, I couldn't

use was qu

time, it didn

ike something

sense that Evan wasn't the la