a

just difficult; it wa

ng food as if it were poison, my energ

t he treated them like mechanics fixing a car-he

on the rearview mirror as he drove me to the

ting behind closed doors and late-night phone calls

like a ghost hau

he cal

llapsed. A massi

t my throat. I

nd with tears, ignoring the

n, my lun

e, his back to me, st

was saying, his voice devoid of em

ed and

He didn't even flinch.

phone without a

e words tearing out of my chest. "

sitting back down at his desk

ed, reaching out to hi

a file, not l

Don't upset yourself,

he

s the

in the back of the car, feeling s

was sterile, biti

up to machines, his s

lding his hand, praying for a

up onl

sed, searching the room fo

." he

here,

s voice barely a breath. "In

box,

ooks like

before I could ask more, leaving his

d for t

visite

watch three times, and patted my shou

said, as if my father were

husband, really

calculation i

t from the grief, untouched

ormed in

ugly and thorny,

oom, I went to the cafeteria to get

ard David talking on h

dn't

arrying in the quiet corridor. "She is still her

us

and starts talking about t

fr

dle

my dyin

ounding so hard I thought

sn't

er wasn

hands shaking so badly I

rets he held were dangerous enough to make my

ing, revealing the horror