THE SECOND CHANCE LOVE

More than ten minutes passed and Alyssa’s tears showed no sign of stopping. Brent could only respond by holding Alyssa tightly, even though her grip wasn’t as strong as what she was experiencing from her. No, Alyssa had even reached the point of squeezing Brent’s waist tightly and hitting him several times when their gazes met. She couldn’t speak either, because every time she tried, Alyssa just cried harder.

“Brent, I don’t like you, I hate being like this because of you. I hate being weak like this. I want to go back to how things were before. I can’t handle being like this.” After struggling with her tears for so long, Alyssa finally spoke up. “I shouldn’t be like this, I shouldn’t be crying like this just because of you. I should be okay, right?”

“You must be happy, right? You must feel victorious when you manage to manipulate me like this! For you, having sex with me is just a joke! You must belittle me by comparing me to the girls you’ve slept with before!”

Brent had initially intended to remain silent, letting Alyssa vent first. He wanted to consider the possibility that his direct approach was wrong, thus following Alyssa’s convoluted path. But it seemed different now. Enough tears had been shed, enough emotional, physical, and mental energy had been depleted by Alyssa; this time, Brent wasn’t willing to negotiate. Let her do as she always does.

“You shouldn’t speak recklessly, Grace. I never had such thoughts,” Brent said firmly. His patience had run out for today. Not because he had lost patience, but because this prolonged situation was making Alyssa more distraught.

“I don’t want to hear it,” she said.

“If you don’t want to hear me out, then who else do you want to listen to?” Brent asked. “If you’re like this because you think the time I spend with you has something to do with my ex, you’re completely mistaken, Grace. I’ve said it many times that she’s no longer in my thoughts. There’s nothing special about that relationship.”

“If she’s not special, you wouldn’t have gotten a tattoo! You wouldn’t have had sex with her.” Alyssa’s voice softened in the second sentence.

“I got the tattoo purely out of my own foolishness, not because she’s special,” Brent explained. “Even in the past, I wasn’t as mature as I am now, I felt like being reckless in ways typical of young people there,” Brent explained. “I’ve even had the tattoo removed, if you don’t believe me, I can show you.” Without hesitation, Brent unbuttoned his shirt, freeing his left arm to reveal his skin. “The tattoo’s gone. I got rid of it a long time ago because I felt it was useless.”

“I don’t mean to trivialize your concerns by saying you shouldn’t worry about things like this. But really, Grace, my thoughts are no longer there. I’m no longer in a phase where I have spare time to compare you to other women. So when I’m asked questions like, which one is prettier, more this, more that, sometimes I don’t have the answers. Not because I think they’re better than you, but because from the beginning, I never had the thought to compare you to others. I don’t have the leisure to think about other women out there. My time is precious, Grace, only important things are allowed to occupy it. And you are a big part of it now, so please don’t make yourself suffer just because of your assumptions about me.”

“I sincerely apologize for what happened in the past. I should have been more forward-thinking when I was younger. I should have been wiser in my actions. I should have known that what I did then couldn’t be changed and would cause a lot of misunderstandings in the future. I shouldn’t have burdened you with my past mischief.”

“But I can assure you that it’s all in the past now, and that woman truly means nothing to me. The evidence is right in front of you. If she was that special, the one I would marry wouldn’t be you. The tattoo is just a symbol, having sex is just a physical activity that doesn’t even take a day to do, but marriage is forever. The moment I decided to marry, it meant I was ready to commit. No other woman can enter here anymore, the door is firmly closed.”

“Maybe her past is over, maybe your relationship with her is done, but it doesn’t change the fact that your memories of her and everything you’ve done together will linger here.” Alyssa touched Brent’s temple with her index finger.

Brent smiled at Alyssa, “Do you want to know what’s in here when I kissed you?” The man touched his temple just like Alyssa did before. “I was busy thinking about your comfort, how your body responded to my kiss. Which tempo you liked the most, which made you feel the most comfortable and passionate. What movements overwhelmed you and which ones made you enthusiastic. How I felt when you responded. How to make you not feel embarrassed when doing it with me. How to make you enjoy and like the kiss, just as I did.”

“That’s just when we’re kissing, let alone when we go further. I think about how to control my desire when I see you looking so beautiful in front of me. I think about how to calm your nerves. I observe everything, how you respond when I touch here and there. I try to understand what makes you uncomfortable but worth trying, and what you still don’t want to do. I’m truly busy learning about you, Grace, to the point where there’s no space in my head to remember what happened ten years ago.”

“Not all memories stay in our heads forever, sometimes memories slowly fade away and are replaced with new ones. And that happened long before I knew you. So it’s impossible for me to remember every detail of the past. Especially not to compare you.”

“You... really know how to talk,” Alyssa whispered. Her tears fell again, “You hurt me. You said I wouldn’t be sad with you, you said I’d be safe with you.”

“I never promised constant happiness with me, Grace. I’m just human, I can’t control things to that extent. Sometimes, even my logic doesn’t reach certain things that make you sad, but I try to understand slowly. Just like you’re still learning, so am I. Don’t think of me as perfect.”

“Can’t you try harder?” Alyssa muttered. “I hate these feelings, Brent. I don’t want to be sad, I don’t like it, I’m tired.” Honestly, Alyssa knew that she often demanded more. She often wanted Brent to do more than what he gave. While Alyssa didn’t make any moves to get closer. She knew that what had been stuck all this time wasn’t Brent, but herself.

Brent never wanted to promise something uncertain. He didn’t want to hurt through expectations he couldn’t fulfill. But for this one, for some reason, although difficult, Brent wanted to try. “I’ll try, so now you can stop crying.”

“Entertain me,” she whimpered. “Just keep talking, so I can listen. I haven’t fully forgiven you yet.”

“Hmm... this morning I talked to Charlie.” Brent started the conversation. Ah, one more thing that the man had successfully mastered. Brent was now better at extending conversations and initiating light-hearted conversations that were insignificant to him.

“Talking about me?” Alyssa asked.

Brent nodded.

“You gossiping about me?” Alyssa repeated.

“Gossiping is bad, isn’t it? But I didn’t say anything bad about you,” Brent explained. “I just confirmed with Charlie so that he wouldn’t be suspicious if Mom or Grandma asked him anything.”

“So that’s why you don’t want me to say anything weird in front of Charlie?”

To be continued...