HIM (I WANT HIM)

“ It all started with me and I guess it ends with me, or maybe not”, sighed, “Love, love, love….That word is a powerful word that comes with a powerful feeling that can't be erased, destroyed, or shut down no matter what. A powerful feeling strong enough to overcome anything or bring down anything in its way.

All my whole life, I have always searched for love, all because it wasn't given to me by my parents when I was still a kid. I was abandoned at a young age by my parents to my grandparents. Even though I grew up with my grandparents who showed me all the love they could, I loved them but felt distant from them. My grandparents don't know much about me except what they thought changed me, and the fact that I love to be alone, love music, love to write and sketch. Even I don't know if I know myself. I think my grandparents always wondered what kind of person I was or what kind of I became after the incident, even she.

Since I was abandoned by my parents to my grandparents, I made a vow to myself to find love in this world. Love that has no reason. Love that doesn't care who or what you are. Love that will never stop or end no matter what. I promise to create a family of mine where such love with exist.

It was funny at first how someone who loves to keep himself wants to find love in this vast and strange world and not just any love but a rare one. As fate would have it, I didn't get to search for love before love found me.

My dream of love came true. I was able to find the love I was looking for and enjoyed it but it was only for a short while because the love I found seemed to want to be the end of me. I couldn't enjoy the love for a long time before death came knocking on my doorstep. That has made me question whether was it worth it or not. Was love in exchange for my life worth it?

Wait… It wouldn't be good if you didn't understand all that I meant by what I said and am sure you are confused right now. I also know you might have questions. So I think we all should go back to how it started and see where I made the wrong decision. This is how it all started.…………”.

Blessing was born into the lovely family of Mr. and Mrs. Adewale. Mr. and Mrs. Adewale were a happy couple and they became happier when they gave birth to their first male child, Blessing. They named him Blessing all because they felt blessed when they gave birth to him. They loved and cherished Blessing, and provided every need for him. Mr and Mrs Adewale weren't rich or poor but they lived a happy and loving life.

Blessing was just 3 years old when their family was blessed with a second child and their little family added one. Blessing younger brother was born into the family and was named Bolu. The Adewale family continues to live their simple and happy life as love reigned in their family. Mr. and Mrs. Adewald were happy with their kind and loving sons until Blessing had an accident that changed everything.

Blessing was 9 years old and Bolu was 6 years old when Blessing was involved in an accident. Bolu was playing with fire in the house when Blessing saw him and tried to stop him from continuously playing with fire. While trying to stop his brother who was refusing to stop playing with the fire, Blessing mistakenly gets burnt by the fire. The fire burnt part of Blessing’s face surrounding his left eye; his eyebrow, eyelid, cheek, and temple close to his left eye get burnt except his left eye.

Blessing was quickly taken to the hospital by the neighbors who heard his scream from their house and came to check up on him. Blessing was treated in the hospital by the best doctors and he was okay since the burnt didn't affect his actual eye but where he was burnt became a scar that has been imprinted on his face for eternity. Blessing now has a scar surrounding his left eye that he will carry for the rest of his life.

Blessing thought since he had been treated and had forgiven Bolu for his mistake that made him have a scar, that everything should return to the way it once was but it was the opposite. It started at school, Blessing’s friends at school stopped playing with him saying his scar made him look ugly and scary, and so did his friends at home.

Whenever Blessing went out with his parents and brother, they were all embarrassed and humiliated because of Blessing's scar. Even at home, Bolu no longer wants to play Blessing and always stays away from him like he is scared of Blessing. Blessing became a shame to his family all because of his scar, even his parents hardly looked at him.

Because of what was happening, Blessing's parents agreed to send Blessing to his grandparents to live with them. Blessing was sent to his mother’s father and mother but that doesn't change the love Blessing has for his parents and brother.

4 weeks after Blessing had been sent to his grandparents, Blessing's parents stopped calling nor did they come to check up on him. Blessing awaited his parent's call every day and wished for them to come to see him but they did not call or show up.

Blessing decided to always wear a mask to cover part of his face that was burnt thinking if he did that maybe his parents would show up. Blessing requested a mask from his grandpa and the grandpa bought it for him which he always wore to cover the burnt part of his face because he and the grandma promised to always make Blessing happy. Blessing made sure he never took off his mask unless he wanted to take his bath so people that don't know about his scar wouldn't know about it and so no one would ever get to see his burnt face again.

Blessing was enrolled in a school by his grandparents and he always attended school with his mask on his face. The headmistress allowed Blessing's mask in school after hearing his story.

At school, Blessing couldn't make friends because he always kept to himself thinking no one would want to be his friend if his parents and brother were so afraid of him that they stopped calling and coming to see him. They were those who wanted to become friends with Blessing at school seeing he always sat alone but came with a condition that Blessing should take off his mask and let them see what he was hiding behind his mask. Blessing chooses not to be friends with them knowing once he shows them what is behind his mask they will only humiliate or be scared of him. At school, since no one knows anything about Blessing or what is behind the part of Blessing's face that is covered by the mask, they all assume what they want making some scared of Blessing but Blessing chooses not to mind them minding his own business. Some tried to forcefully let Blessing remove the mask so they could see what was underneath the mask Blessing always wore but Blessing beat them all making most of the students at school afraid of Blessing and always stay away from him.

At home, Blessing's grandparents only knew Blessing to do 6 things; sketch, listen to music, love to write, eat when hungry, sleep when feeling sleepy, and watch TV when he felt like it. Apart from those 6 things, Blessing doesn’t do anything in the house or even have conversations with his grandparents, and that makes his grandparents wonder and worry if he is okay or not, and whenever they ask Blessing if he is okay he will always say yes he is.

Blessing's grandparents raised Blessing the way they thought was best for him and bought him things he never asked for like a bicycle and some others because Blessing never asked for anything except the mask. Blessing never said no to things they bought for him even though he never asked for them instead, he thanked them.

In the neighborhood, only a few who come to see Blessing's grandparents know about Blessing and he never talks to any of them. Blessing was known to be an introvert who loved his loneliness and other few things that made him happy.

Blessing's grandparents knew the reason why Blessing became an introvert was because of his parents who stopped calling and checking up on him making Blessing think they abandoned him and no longer loved him again. Blessing's grandparents called his parents telling them to come to check up on him but nothing changed.

Blessing was 12 years and some months old when he finally told himself that there was no way his parents were coming back for him so he had to live his life and forget them too just like they forget about him. All Blessing's parents did ever since they stopped calling and checking up on him was send his birthday gift on his birthdays. Blessing's grandparents never stopped taking of him or wanting the best for him.

One night, Blessing had made sure his grandparents had slept before he walked out of the house so they wouldn't ask him where he was headed at that time. Blessing walked out of the house to his bicycle where it was parked so he could ride it in the city to have a view of the city to clear his head. Just as Blessing got to his bicycle, he heard the sound of crying and wondered who could be crying at that time.

Blessing traced the sound of the cry to know who was crying to a girl whom he saw seated on the ground crying in the next house compound. Blessing looked at the girl crying as she was seated on the ground for some seconds before he turned back to leave and mind his business as usual but just as Blessing turned back to leave, he suddenly felt sad for the girl and had the urge to go meet the strange girl. Blessing wanted to shut off the urge he was having to go meet the girl but the pity and sadness he felt for the girl was a feeling he couldn't shut off. Blessing wondered why he was feeling in such a way for a strange girl he knew nothing about and didn't want to go meet. The way had never felt for anyone except himself. Blessing had no choice since he could not shut off the sad and pitiful feeling he was feeling for the girl but to go meet the girl.

The strange girl was still crying with her eyes closed when he heard someone say to her “no one gives a fuck if you cry or not. So why don't you shut up”.

Hearing that, the strange girl stopped crying, opened her eyes and looked up to see who just speak to her and she saw it was a boy of her age wearing a mask on his face that made him look scary in one way but even with the mask, he was also handsome. Seeing Blessing, the girl continues crying out loud minding her business and wanting Blessing to leave her but Blessing says to her “will you sit here and continue to cry for someone or something they don't give a fuck about you, or will you come with me so I can change your mood, and make you happy and smile”.

Blessing had no idea why he said that to the strange girl or made him say that to the girl and he couldn't take his words back. Blessing didn't know why he came to the girl in the first place, it was like he had no idea what he was doing, why he was doing it, and why he was feeling in such a way for the girl ever since he set his eyes on her.

Hearing Blessing says that to her, the strange girl looked at Blessing to see if he was the one that just talked to her after telling her to shut up a while ago and he was the one. Then Blessing stretched his right hand forward for the girl to take saying to her “will you stay here and continue to cry or will you let me show you a little bit of my world so I can ease your pain and bring you smile and happiness?”.

The strange girl stared at Blessing and his stretched hand wondering who Blessing was and why he said that to her.