Tainted by the Badboy

Have you ever felt the feeling that you just want to close your eyes forever so as not to wake up to the reality of what is currently happening in your life?

Have you ever felt the feeling of being hurt too much by things you should just enjoy?

Have you ever felt the feeling of being loved by someone you didn't expect to love you more than you ever loved them?

Have you ever felt like loving someone you shouldn't?

Have you ever felt the urge to fight more but you think that no matter what you do to fight, you will still lose in the end?

Those crazy feelings that one will feel if they are loving right and loving too much.

I am in love with him since the very first day, I was the one who fell first but he was the one who fell hard.

Meeting him gave me those unrealistic feelings one should have. Eversince me being with him gave me brandnew experiences one will feel euphoric to feel.

That is what is him to me, An addiction made just for me.

I am addicted to his dark deep brown eyes, that is looking ag directly into the depths of my soul.

I am addicted to his huge calloused hands touching me places I wanted to be touched so bad.

I am addicted to his scent that engulfing me out of my own trance.

I am addicted to his strong body, keeping me above anything else.

I am addicted to his lips, the way he kiss me.

But you know what they say about addiction. Addiction may give you a temporary happiness in a world that gave you nothing but bitterness. That is why there is so many people that had become addicted into something.

But mine isn't something, and i cannot be bought by money.

Mine is him.

Sometimes I thought it might be easier to get addicted to other things that money can buy than to get addicted to the addiction I have.

Have you ever felt the feeling of being so scared when you suddenly lose the one thing that keeps your feet on the ground?

At least when you lose the simple addiction that other people have, you can buy immediately anywhere.

But mine? He cannot be bought elsewhere. He is the only one that had this effect on me. He can make me go crazy to do things I am not aware that I can do. He can make me go euphoric and makes me want to have more and more and more. He can make me suffer in so much pain but will come running to him once again.

I am in the trance of him.

I am in love with him.

But you know what they say to addiction, when it becomes to much, it will be so so fucking bad.

I woke up in the old bed that I had when I was only twelve years old. This used to be my old room when I stayed here under Aunt Adel's care so that my Mom could work as a head nurse at a famous and private hospital in Manhattan.

I love this place, I love Aunt Adel. So much more than my own Mother.

I still remember back then, I was happy when Mom took me here for vacation or when her working schedule was changed to a night shift.

But why now when she brought me here I feel like everything is over, it seems like my life is over, like I can't breathe and my tears don't stop falling every time I took a step forward into the door of the house that used to bring joy and color to my sad life.

Why is it I am here, and he was there?

Mom hugged me, a very tight hug as if her life depends on me. She's shaking, her cries is painful for me to even watch. "This is all my fault."

That is all she can say. I wanted to say "No, Mom. This isn't your fault. It was all me." But offcourse, all I can feel at that moment is madness and pain.

Leaving him in New york is so painful.

Leaving everything we had in New York is unbearable.

All I could ever think is his eyes, looking at mine. His bloodshot eyes, pleading me to stay.

I could have stay. I could.

But they won't let me. They won't let us be.

That was five hours ago, and Mom wasn't here anymore.

I woke up to heavy raindrops on the roof of my room and pattering on my window.

Heaviness.

My chest was so heavy and it was only one second after I opened my eyes.

I stood up from the bed and saw that it was still dark. I looked at the clock and it says three am. I walked towards the window. This is room is my favorite place, because when you look out the window, you immediately see the vastness and huge size of the sea in front of you.

But all I can see is the rain, dark skies and roaring ocean.

As if the heaven feel the same way I am feeling right now.

On the side of my eye I catch a silhoutte of a man I knew so well.

But I didn't expect him to be here. He was not allowed to be near me.

When he saw me already sees him, he runs closer to my bedroom window and I took a step back.

He is now standing outside my window, knocking on it nonchalantly pleading me to open it with a very scared look on his face. He looks scared.

I just stood there in the middle of my room, watching him, I froze. I didn't even know what he's capable of. I didn't even know what is he doing here.

"Agnes! Please, talk to me, Open the window! I need to talk to you!" He screams along with the roaring of the thunder that made me jump.

Aunt Adel must've heard him and go straight to me and hugs me with a worried look on her face.

"What is he doing here?" I know she didn't mean to ask me, she is also wondering why Ino Davenport is outside my childhood home patting on my window like a maniac.

I just shook my head. Still frozen, my hands were now shaking.

I didn't even know that I am scared of him until now.

Aunt Adel grab her phone and I heard her talking to someone. I figure it was 911.

I don't know how many hours or even minutes have passed when I see a red and blue lights outside my window but Ino didn't even quiver or flinch, he just looks at me with the same scared look.

Aunt Adel hugs my side as the police officers grab Ino away from my window.

He wasn't supposed to come near me, that is the state decided when I decide to file a restraining order against him two years ago.

But what he screams at the top of his lungs is what made me even more confused; "Stay away from Kenji Rivers!!"

Why would I stay away with Kenji?

Does he drive all the way here just to say that?

And what is the scared look on his face means when he told me that?

Why would I stay with Kenji Rivers when he is the one I am addicted to?