The tenth shrill scream comes from my lips as I close my eyes, trying to control or have some sort of control over the pain I am feeling right now.
I close my eyes, biting my lips hard, not caring when I feel the burning and the taste of blood in my mouth.
All I want more than anything is for this absurd pain to end at once because I feel like I am about to pass out at any moment. That's when I think about how reckless I was nine months ago, after a drunken night out.
But I repeat for the second time that now is not the right time to try to feel any regret, and as hard as I try, I can't regret what that night brought me.
"Try to breathe; the baby will be here soon, Emma!", I hear my friend's voice from beside me as the nurses push the wheelchair. I am being wheeled into the delivery room.
A night of hot sex earned me an unexpected pregnancy from a stranger. It was my first time, and I gave my own body to someone I had never seen in my entire life.
To say it was good is an understatement, but here I am today, about to give birth to my first child, a single mother, and not knowing anything about my baby's father other than a single name.
Alex.
A new scream makes me bite my lips harder. Feeling the tears streaming down my face as I am carried down a long corridor of the maternity part of the hospital, I repeat a new sequence of breathing and sobbing with each new contraction.
I touch my belly, covered by the dress I am wearing, thinking that at some point tonight I will meet the little face of my beloved baby.
"Oh my god!", I grunted, squeezing my best friend's hand for some support.
"You can do it, Emma! Let's meet our, Benjamin."
I nod my head, almost screaming at the nurse who is pushing me in the wheelchair to go faster. I am out of patience and feeling extreme pain, but my heartbeat seems to stop when my eyes fixate on a person.
This can't be happening, God!
It's him!
The unbearable pain of feeling my child being born seems to fade for a second when I see none other than the man who is the father of my baby.
Time seems to freeze around me when I see him talking to the receptionist at the hospital counter. He looks exactly like the handsome man I met that night.
I don't blink when the nurse asks the people in front of us to excuse me; I grab Coral's hand, and just as I am about to say that finally the miracle has happened, my expectations are shattered in a few seconds when something unexpected happens.
He can't see me, but I see that when a woman in a long dress approaches holding a baby in her lap, he smiles broadly before taking the child from the woman's lap and holding the baby, visibly moved.
My eyes fill with tears again as I still watch the scene a few feet away from me. The pain of my heart breaking into a thousand pieces is greater than anything right now.
I sob, my vision clouded by the tears that run uncontrollably down my face.
He has a family...
We finally arrive in the delivery room, and I am in pieces because everything is piling up inside me, with so many emotions that it seems I won't be able to take anything else today.
"He is here...", I whisper to myself as the birthing procedures begin.
I can't go on with this alone, and I breathe a sigh of relief when I see Coral also enter the room after she sanitizes herself properly.
"He is here...", I whisper again when her hand holds mine.
"Who is?"
"Alex. He's here.", My words are interrupted when a new wave of pain sweeps through me completely.
I cry out more and more, feeling that I can't do it, that I'm not able to do it like I thought I was.
"Come on, your dilation is at the ideal size, and I can already see the baby, Emma!", I hear the doctor's voice somewhere in the room.
I closed my eyes, groaning in pain and feeling my heart break like never before. Somewhere inside of me, I knew that he would not come back to me and take on the baby as his son.
I always knew we wouldn't have a romantic tale when he found out he had a child in this world, but I wished every night that my baby could have the chance not to grow up without a father in his life.
He already has his own family, and I'm sure he doesn't need a woman showing up out of nowhere and saying that the baby is his.
"We need the pushing to start; go ahead, Emma!", Still crying, I nod my head, doing what they are instructing me to do.
I feel completely weak, but I need to do this; I need to finish this, so I can finally meet my darling son.
I don't know how much time has passed, and I don't even know if I have any strength left in my body. My vision is cloudy, and my eyes seem to want to close completely at any moment.
Furthermore, I have the thought in my head that I am dying, but a loud cry makes me open my eyes and try to focus on what is happening now.
"Congratulations! You are a beautiful, strong boy!", I lift my head, seeing the reason for my happiness in the nurse's arms.
I cry more now as she approaches with my son in her lap. I find strength from somewhere when he is finally placed in my arms.
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