Daring to Live

***

I didn't want to hate my Father. Even though he was breaking my heart, tearing it into pieces as I watched him. His anger was palpable, hanging heavy over the room. We were in his office, the foreboding place I dreaded to be called into on most days.

I had hoped things would be different. That this conversation would be less catatonic than how it had been. My fear was justified as I watched the man who had once been kind, the man who read me to sleep and had held me when I had nightmares- pace the room angrily, unable to look at me.

Things were different after Mom’s left.

"You want to tell me that you're giving up EVERYTHING I've worked so hard to give you for a pipe dream?! Don't be stupid, Isabel! You will take over the Law department at Griffin Entreprises and that is final!"

Father's voice boomed throughout the room, making me flinch as I tried and failed to hold his enraged glare. I could hear the crack forming, and feel it consume my entire body as despair threatened to fill my being. I was scared, so scared of going against him. Of refusing to listen to his every word.

I had respected him all my life, and done everything he wanted me to. I had been a good daughter, dedicating myself to my studies and my extracurricular activities. I excelled in school, in my piano recitals, and on the debate team. I had passed my bar exams, pushed down all my mental health struggles to the deepest depths of me, and graduated from Law School. All my achievements had been a way to make him proud, to show him that I was trying to make up for all my wrongs.

I had tried to do what he wanted, to learn from my peers at Griffin Entreprises as I prepared to take over as he wanted me to.

But one night changed everything. I found the world outside was totally different from the life I had been living.

I didn’t want to betray to myself this time.

I respected and loved my father ,but no for this time.

"I can't do that, Father. This is what I want, what I truly desire to do with my life. My music has already been received really well. My songs have already broken chart records. Jonah, my manager, is sure that I'm going to be one of the best. All I hope for is your support, Father. Please, let me do this. Let me be happy. I promise to make you proud."

He scoffed angrily at my words, holding my firm gaze with his glare. I steeled my resolve, holding back the fear that always came with defying him. I had made the conscious decision to do this and it was that resolve that gave me the confidence to stand firm as I held his gaze.

"If you think that this would make me proud of you, you are sorely mistaken. You are a disgrace to this family. You want to ruin your life? Fine! Have it your way but know this, you are no longer my daughter! I rescind all your privileges. Let's see how well you survive on that meager damn dream of yours! And do not expect anything from your brother either. If he helps you, then I assure you that I shall take everything from him too. Don't destroy his life as you have yours!"

"Now leave my sight! I never want to see you again! You are dead to me, child. Like your mother...Get out! You are no longer welcome here!"

"I'm sorry that you feel like I have disappointed you, Father, but I will not apologize for doing what I love and for being myself. Thank you for all you have done for me so far."

“Just get out of here, right now! You ungrateful, selfish wolf cub. You are exactly like your mother . I'm even counting on you to be different, to improve yourself, to take over the company, and become my pride? You let me down so much.”

He barely spared me a glance but I refused to break down before him any more than I already had. I had to be strong, to remind myself that he detested weakness. Even in my final moments with him, I wanted to appease him. And so, with a singular nod, I turned and left the room- even though my very soul was shattering.

The sight of my brother through blurry eyes as he hurried down the hallways of my childhood home stopped me in my tracks, my limbs weakening at the sight of him.

My older brother didn't hold back, pulling me into a long and tight hug that centered me and comforted me more than I thought I needed.

"Oh sorellina...You should have waited for me. What did he do?"

He whispered, silently rubbing my back to comfort me. A sob broke free before I held back the others, knowing well enough that Fathe would not be pleased to hear it.

I struggled to compose myself, pulling back from him to grant him a reassuring smile.

I knew my brother well enough to know that would go to war with him, regardless of the consequences.

"I'm fine, fratello. I promise. I have to go now, though. I won't be able to come back soon but I will try my best to make sure I mend things. "

I could feel his confusion, his sadness, and shock. His anger. Taking a deep breath, I found the strength to walk away from him too, and make my way outside of my home.

"It's okay, Harper...This is a new beginning for you. You've got this."

I whispered over and over again, finally getting a hold of my emotions. I was ready to step into the next phase of my life. I would not be looking back, not anymore. I had severed ties with the Griffin name conclusively. Father's plan for me was destroyed and he would not ask me to come back. The thought in itself hurt like hell but I was glad for it- It made the transition process easier...

"Call Jonah."

I spoke up once the Bluetooth was turned on, allowing the car assistant to pull up my new manager's number. Jonah believed in me even when everyone else thought he was crazy. He was one of the greatest managers of his day and age and yet he had chosen to take a chance on an amateur like me. It was a blessing in disguise to have captured his attention and I held onto it, refusing to make him anything but proud of me.

I wanted to ensure that his kindness and his faith in me were not wasted. I wanted to prove all the doubters wrong. I wanted to shine and make him even more renowned than he already was. I was ready to become the best I could be, all on my own accord and without my Father's guidance. I would become the Greatest of all time.

"Hey, Bella. How did it go?"

His voice was warm, and reassuring as it floated through the car. I steeled my spine, knowing full well that I needed to be stronger. He would worry if I started sobbing and screaming like I wanted to. He already had too much on his plate for me to add my family issues to it.

"Not so good but I'm fine. We're moving forward as agreed. I want to start recording the rest of the singles and collaborations tomorrow. Let's hit the ground running and become the best of the best, Jo. I'm counting on you."

Silence reigned momentarily, a small sigh escaping Jonah before he seemed to regain his cool and understand my need for him to let it go. I wasn't ready to talk about it and wouldn't for a long time yet.

Someday soon...but not now...I need work, a purpose that reassures me of my decision...

"Alright, Harpie. I'm going to make you a superstar, I promise. All your sacrifices will not be in vain. Let's become the best of the best, okay?"

I nodded before realizing he could not see me. I voiced my approval, letting the silent tears fall through my smile. I believed and trusted him. He had scouted me out, found me and made my dream come true. My music had already touched so many lives and I was ready to spread the joy and contentment that always filled me once I opened up my heart and let the lyrics flow.

I want to reassure them, to let them know that they are loved...Which is why I can't give up. I must spread joy to the world...

Father, I'm sorry...

Mother, I hope you're watching me become what you've always wanted me to be...myself.

***