Everything I Never Should Have Wanted

Leena Morris loves having control over money, rich men’s money to be exact.

Money. That was what Leena knew to be the driving force of the world. Money and success— but weren’t they kind of the same thing in most people’s eyes? That’s why she lived by the book and did things in order. She got her Master’s Degree in business and finance. She got engaged to the son of the owner of a chain of hotels. That was her job as a financial consultant.

The walk from the car garage to the yoga studio was brisk and cold. March in Philadelphia was too cold, Leena thought. For some people, an average temperature of 53 degrees was fair, maybe even pleasant, but that wasn’t the case for Leena Morris. She did not like the cold. In fact, anything under 70 degrees pretty much felt like a curse to her.

She shrugged her yoga mat bag over her shoulder and shoved her hands deep into her pockets and cursed the wind. The wind made everything worse. People only liked the wind when it was 90 degrees or when they wanted to go sailing. The wind was overrated.

To Leena, lots of things were overrated. Social media for starters. And big, fat weddings. That was the last thing she wanted. She wanted a simple life— at least, that’s what she had convinced herself to believe.

And that was precisely the kind of life she was living, the cookie-cutter, good-girl who went to school and ‘waited until after college to get engaged’ kind of life. But, honestly, it wasn’t all that. She was drowning in boring.

Her job as a financial consultant for Greene Consulting Group was a good job that a lot of people were gunning for. It was steady, reliable. It paid well. She had benefits. All that good stuff. And she was good at it. But it was boring. She went to an office every day and talked on the phone and sifted through paperwork and Excel sheets and ledgers. The walls were blank except for the generic, abstract paintings in the elevator hall.

Really, for a good, rich company she would have thought that they would put some of their time and energy into making the place more appealing. Basically, everyone could relate to things that looked pleasing to the eye. That’s what got people’s attention in most instances.

It was what had attracted her fiance, Brian Barclay at a random seminar in Cincinnati three years ago. She’d gone to schmooze some corporate men that wanted to invest in the Greene Consulting Group. In fact, her slightly above-average looks were probably what attracted those men at first as well.

Leena rolled her eyes as she thought about what those types of men were like. They talked down to you and commented on your appearance and your age when you were a woman. They questioned your position and your competency, and she didn’t appreciate that.

But she did love basically having control over their money. It was what they held most dear to them after all. It gave her some satisfaction to secretly have the upper hand in those cases. Well, it wasn’t necessarily secretly, but it was usually quiet enough to hear the gears in their little brains turning when they explained to them what their fiscal year might look like and how to develop better financial strategies to accommodate for that.

It was probably her main pleasure in life.

Yes, she had a good job and a fiance and her own home, but none of those things really pleased her. Instead, she saw them as a checklist for success. How else was she supposed to get her parents’ love and affection? That kind of stuff didn’t come free.

So yeah, in her parents’ eyes and in society’s eyes, she was a young, beautiful, successful lady with her whole life ahead of her, but when she looked in the mirror she just saw a decent-looking body that fit the mold. But it was basic, vanilla.

She wanted chocolate-dipped cherries. Not vanilla.

Just as Leena approached the building where her four-nights-a-week yoga class was located, she spotted something very pleasing to her eye. He stopped her at the door that she realized someone was holding open for her, but she didn’t have the sense to walk through.

No, all of her senses were locked on the man, probably six foot three and very toned under his suit jacket. His dusky skin complimented his medium-length curly dark hair. In the sunset, his hair was like black tourmaline, and his eyes… they were too bright and captivating for as dark as they were. They almost seemed black the closer he got. Everything about him was dark.

He was definitely not vanilla, she thought as he walked towards her. He was looking straight at her, and when their eyes met after she’d done a slightly shameful thorough exploration of his physical traits, he didn’t drop his gaze. He was completely undisguised.

“You goin’ in?” he asked, opening the door the other kind person had long abandoned. Even his voice was dark and deep, like the purest dark maple syrup.

Leena cleared her throat and said, “Uh, yeah. Yes. Thank you.”

She walked through so as not to make the moment any more awkward, but she couldn’t help but turn around as she passed by him. He grinned down at her confidently, squinting his eyes slightly, which gave him an air of ‘Yeah, I know I’m attractive. I see you seeing me.’

Leena let out a little embarrassed puff of hair and turned around quickly. She wished she was brave enough to be that obvious. She left the tall, dark mystery man and walked quickly to the elevator and waited. Instead of watching the red numbers change like she usually did, she kept looking out the window, hoping that he would come through the door, walk up to her, and tell her how attractive he thought she was.

The bell for the elevator’s arrival dinged sharply, shattering her reverie. She entered it and went up to the third floor where her yoga class took place. Her friend Adriene greeted her warmly, like usual, and then the class began.

Leena usually tried not to get too close to people because when you get close to them, they expect a lot, and then you have to do all of these things to keep them interested in you, but Adriene seemed different. She was very… bubbly and sweet. She treated everyone like she had been their best friend since grade school. No judgment.

Really, she was like a breath of fresh air, and even though Adriene was the one who had worn Leena down enough to open up, Leena was pretty sure she was more attached, and that scared her. She wasn’t attached to anyone, not even her fiance.

As much as she knew it was wrong, or that it shouldn’t be the way it was, Leena had yet to entertain, let alone express, any thoughts about leaving him. He was safe. He was a good box for her to check off on her Success List.

But she wanted more than just success at this point in her life. She was already twenty-seven, and… she was tired of vanilla. She wanted that chocolate-dipped cherry, that dark rich maple syrup. Not the store-bought syrup that was golden and delicate. She wanted the robust stuff with the strong taste.

Brian was golden and delicate, but that man on the street who had opened the door for her… he was robust, strong. And she couldn’t help but see him every time the instructor told the class to close their eyes. Brian was the type to hold her hand in the car, but she imagined this guy would be the type to slide his hand to her inner thigh. Brian was the type to touch her gently on the shoulder and kiss her on the cheek, but this guy was probably the kind that would seize her by the waist, press his whole body against her and smash his lips to hers. Brian always apologized when Leena caught him staring at her, but this guy… he would unabashedly scan her body and give her his best bedroom eyes…

She spent most of her time in yoga class enthralled by that fantasyland where she was with dark maple, ‘you can only get this commercially’ syrup guy, not golden, safe, ‘just drizzle on your pancakes’ syrup guy.