Doyenne

As I looked out of my house from my window with a tear stained face, I kept on wandering how it would have been if we weren't suffering any financial problems. We weren't like this from the beginning. We belonged to an Higher middle class family with fixed salary and lived in a good society.

If it wasn't for the death of my mother we still would have been in a good society dealing with every difficulties of life with ease. She was gorgeous, strong and most importantly brilliant. She used her brain rather than her heart to make my father stand in his feet in this society. Everything we had was her possession. She used her brain and my father just followed her commands to establish in his business. An absolutely brilliant but strong minded woman who would suffer no fools and wouldn't dare to take a step to the world of business. She knew that she had no chance against the men in this world hence she used her brain. It was like she was puppet player. Though my father and mother were married to each other since fifteen years and to her death she used her brain to control my father.

It was as if my father played his part of the role in the stage as a magician but in reality she was the one who remain hidden behind those curtains in the stage and kept doing all the tricks which was magic to the people. No one ever knew.

We were groomed from our childhood to live full of enjoyment until her death.

It was like every penny she gave us she took it away with her because of her death. We had to face the financial problems, relatives tantrums who suddenly came crawling into our life invading our space after her death because they disliked my mother when she was alive. Not because of going against them and marrying a high caste woman but because she dominated them. They felt themselves as a low creep before her. She had this power over them. So after her marriage, my father and she decided to leave everyone and start a new world where it was only her, father, me and my sister.

Now we are only three. My father, me and my younger sister.

Today we are no longer living that awesome life but living a life where we are facing problem dealing with our bills, facing problem with sleeping empty stomach, even facing problem to live a life far from others, in a village away from all those lights and prosperity.

It's been four years to her death yet my father is doing his best to give us a good life. Though not the same one but still he is trying. Sometimes feel like crying when I see my school friends studying in greater universities than mine. While I am studying near my house in an isolated area with maybe lower rated university. I feel jealousy building inside of me when I see them hanging out in a bar, or club and they put a post of it in the social media site tagging me. Though they are oblivious about my livings I still do not let them flow over me.

To deal with it I never reply to any messages of my friends about "Hey! How are you and where are you studying." I tend to ignore them and their posts because they are oblivious to the fact that though I am living a difficult life but I am still a strong and grooming Sequoia tree who is busy building up it's capability to stand strong and higher from all those other and is preparing to lead.

It is in my blood to lead.

People often tells me that I look similar to my mother but little do they know that I am even more cunning, Intelligent and determined and most importantly charismatic than her.

I despise them who ever tried to stop my independence. I loved being independent. I hated living a life like a bird in a cage. I would rather free the bird and let it deal with all the difficulties like hunger and being prey to another hungry animal than to let it live a life caged in a cage.

As I saw my rich neighbor happily packing their bags into the trunk of their car and merrily driving off probably for vacation I stood with tear strained face as we can't even afford to eat three times in a day and let alone go out for a vacation. That moment, I promised myself that no matter what I am no longer going to live this life. I am going to live a life which I deserve and in order to reach the sky I will go to any extent even to the extents of staying in the shadows.

Just like her.